How to have the confidence to talk to people and make them continue the conversation
The number one fear that prevents people approaching another human being and have a nice conversation is not the fear of approach.It is the fear of running out of things to say in the middle of conversation.I have planned to give two examples of how a shy guy will approach the conversation with a random girl and then how a Confident Guy takes the conversation to the next level with confidence.
The following is the conversation between a girl and a not so confident shy man.
Shy guy:Nice bike.I am planning to buy this same brand for my sister.How comfortable is it to ride?
Shy guy:Okay.(Thinking in mind ‘She is not talking to me’ and already exiting the conversation)
<Note:Now most shy guys stall at this point and are stuck thinking what to say next.They think the girl is uninterested and wants you to go away.
Most of the time it may not be the truth but it is just the way you read the situation.You have to consider the body language of the other person in this kind of situations.When you approach a person look if they just turn only their upper body towards you or their whole body towards you.In other words notice where their foot is pointing.If it is pointing towards you that means they are interested and okay with having the conversation with you.You can continue the conversation as long as they keep their foot pointing at the general direction you are standing.If they are responding to you by just turning their torso or upper body towards you and their foot’s big thumb is pointing some where else that mean’s they are ready to move and in that case it is best for you to let them go.>
Some of the Confident guys will still continue the conversation like below…
Confident guy:Nice bike.I am planning to buy this same brand for my sister.How comfortable is it to ride?
(Confident guy notices her body language.It doesn’t seem that she is ready to move away.Time to throw the next punch)
Confident guy:How long you waited after booking the bike.I heard for this model there is a 1 month wait time.
Girl:I got no idea.
<Note: Shy guys would have went home locked their door and cried at this point thinking that the girl is ignoring.But Confident guys are curious. They ask a simple question…because the only feeling they have at this time is CURIOSITY>
Confident guy: WHY?
<Note:Now she has to open up.A ‘why’ question requires a detailed answer and cannot be answered in single words.The more you get people to talk with you the more comfortable they will feel in talking with you>
Girl:Oh!I got no idea because this is my friend’s bike.I came to buy stuff for her birthday party.
Confident guy: So you must be in a party mood tonight.
<Note:Note how the smooth talker tries to change the Topic from Bike to Party mood.Shy people would have kept on talking
about the Bike for a long time and the Girl would have got bored and said sayonora already>
Confident Man: And your friend should be having a nice taste of things. She’s got the best looking bikes and friends.
<Note:Complement them.Don’t complement them openly.Complement them indirectly.This is a whole art in itself but the above complement should give you some ideas)
She: Still silent but this time smiles and blushes a bit.
Confident Man:Have you finished shopping for the party?Because i can suggest some things to buy that is a must for the party…
Girl: Hmmm.I can use some help.I have never organised a party…
<Note:And the conversation goes on and on until it ends after they turn off the lights and go to sleep.Ok that may be a little bit exaggerated but it will go on until the Confident Guy parts with her number)
Take aways from the above conversation:
1.Don’t just listen to what they say and base your decision on it.Be Aware of how they say it.Read their body language.Time your
response based on it.
2.Don’t just give up and end the conversation at the first instance of resistance.
If you are given a hand gun and asked to shoot a
bottle at a distance and your life depended on shooting it…will you quit the first time as soon as your bullet miss the target?
You have five more bullets and you will not quit till you empty all the five bullets…Right?
Then why are you holding back your bullets in a conversation?
3.Always be Curious.Confidents are Curious.You can be as good at Confidents by just being genuinely curious to know more about the other
4.Always give a complement.And the complement should be indirect and discreet,at least in the beginning.
5.If the other person is a girl and you are interested in her move to Flirting as early as it is practically possible in the conversation.
6.Change the conversation topic regularly.Notice how the confident guy Started talking about bikes…then about party…then about shopping for
party etc…Otherwise the conversation will become boring.