Question: I have lost my social confidence after my breakup with my ex Girlfriend and i don’t know how to talk to people anymore.I freeze up and for everything I say i am worried that i will just sound stupid and that people won’t like me.Please help me with some advice to get my social confidence back
You are left to survive in a forest and you have to kill a wild boar with your hand gun to eat your first food after 4 days.
What will you aim at?
It’s fleshy thighs?That you desperately want to taste?
To kill the boar you have to aim at the most vulnerable point in it’s body.You aim at it’s forehead,in between its eyes.
For a moment you forget your hunger,you forget about returning home,you forget the boar,you forget everything
All that exists before you is the Forehead of the boar.And when you Pull the Trigger if your bullet hits its forehead the whole boar is yours.
Now…you have a serious problem of freezing up and going blank during conversations.
You cannot go on for long unless you kill your Problem(Your wild Boar)
Your are focusing on the whole problem(whole big wild boar) and wondering can i kill this big problem with this tiny handgun(Self help techniques and advises)
What you have to do is identify the easiest part of your problem that you are sure you can do if you put some effort in to it.
Forget about having a Great conversation with your boss for some time.
How about using the baby steps Principle.We will reach the Target line one baby step at a time.You can fall….you can crawl
But take one baby step at a Time.
What about first perfecting your conversation with your Apartment watchman first…or
How about befriending the Junior guy that joined your office by having a friendly conversation?
Take one Tip at a time and implement it in your life.
So where is my Tip…you ask…
Before giving you the Tip,i want to share something that i was taught in my NLP classes.
They Taught me,Listen closely to what the Subject says…They might be literally giving out the solutions to their own Problems.
Just that they don’t realize it and all you have to do it make them realize that it is the solution to the problem.
Now,Coming back to your Problem,You said…
I just don’t know how to talk to people anymore I freeze up and everything I say on worried will just sound stupid and that people won’t like me.
I bet you have a internal dialogue that says that exact same thing over and over in your mind.You are hypnotizing yourself that you are
sounding stupid and people don’t like you.And,It seems your mind has done a good job too.
So Just catch yourself when your self dialogue says something negative next time and when you catch it you have to kill it.
You have to kill the negativity by saying a Positive affirmation like ‘I am getting more and more confident with conversing with People
and they like me’.Something like that…what i gave is just an example.
You have to start doing something.Don’t be one of the people who keep reading Tips and techniques to become confident but don’t
Practice any of them in their real life.