Sleight of the Mouth examples-Conversation Tactics

In our daily lives…everyone of us  would  be put in situations where  a bossy Coworker or a nosy person is trying to dominate us in a conversation. In such situations we  may go blank …wondering whether to respond to them  or to move on  without confronting their statements.

The Problem with just ignoring these kind of people without confronting them by giving them a fitting reply is….They will come back at you stronger and stronger and start dominating you more and more. The only way to stop them is by giving them a fitting reply, that will make them wonder what hit them. When you have that kind of skill you will be confident in all social situations, knowing very well that you can handle any verbal challenge.

What is Sleight of Mouth?

Sleight of Mouth is a persuasion skill, a vehicle for the re-framing of beliefs. It is a system of 14 different patterns of response to a stated belief or statement. A system that, once mastered, can allow you to always have a response that will effectively elucidate your position and help you to persuade rather than be persuaded. Simply put, it will help you win any argument, be verbally powerful and powerfully verbal.

We all enjoy the nice come back punch dialogue that the hero delivers to the insulting villain’s remark.What if we can deliver that kind of Come back lines in our real life? The Sleight of Mouth Patterns will let you do that exactly!

What Will Sleight of Mouth Do For you?

Part of the power of Sleight of Mouth is that it gives you more choices and flexibility of possible responses. You will never be at a loss for something to say. And with 14 different possible responses, odds are good that what you say will stop your adversary right in his tracks.

How to use the ‘Sleight of Mouth’ Patterns:

The real challenge or Fun of learning the slight of Mouth patterns is to come up with your own examples that you can apply in your own life situations.In real life there are millions of things a person can say to you and we cannot cover the response for each and every insulting remark.But what we can do is give a example situation and statement and the fourteen types of comeback Responses you can give for that statement. You are expected to use the example as a model and come up with your Responses to use in your real life.

So Following is the situation:

You have arrived a little late to office and your boss didn’t seem to mind it. But the nosy coworker who has got no business to monitor you says something insulting like…

“You’re being late and it shows you don’t care about the job.”

There are 14 different responses you can come up with in this scenario:

  1. Reality strategy:

The Reality strategy Challenges the belief, based on the fact that beliefs arise from certain assumptions. Probe how they know that their belief is true and how they came to the conclusion.

The following are some of the responses you can come up using the Reality strategy pattern:

How do you know lateness and caring are the same thing?

I’m not sure how it is you have drawn that conclusion. Maybe the boss told that to you when you came late yesterday… How would you know if it wasn’t true?

What we are doing here is…instead of going blank or getting angry we asked them back a question…..and now they are the one going deep inside to find the answer to what we asked.

  1. Model of the world:

Model of the World,argues that the other person is making a assertion as a metaphor for something else.

Some people believe caring is shown by quality of the job done and the results obtained.

  1. Counter example:

Counter example uses exceptions where their statement would not be True- which weakens  the belief of the original statement.

We all know people who are always on time and yet are goof-offs once they get here.

  1. Intent:

This pattern highlights the original intent.

My intention is not to be late or uncaring but to give the company the best quality time and highest productivity while I’m here.

  1. Redefine:

Redefine the problem.

I wasn’t late, I was delayed in traffic.

The issue is not my being late but how much work I can accomplish today before the end of the day.

  1. Chunking up:

Chunking up is generalizing the whole thing to challenge the belief of the other person.

Are you saying the most important aspect of my job is showing up on time?

  1. Chunking down:

Chunking down breaks down the statement of the other person to smaller elements, then pick up any particular element and start attacking it.

How specifically are lateness and not caring the same thing?

  1. Metaphor or analogy:

Instead of replying to the question use a metaphor or analogy to challenge the belief and make a comeback statement.

If a surgeon is late for dinner because he is saving a life, does that mean he doesn’t care about his wife’s cooking?

  1. Another outcome:

Another outcome offers a alternate which challenges the statement of the other person. Switch the other’s attention from their original outcome to another.

The real question isn’t whether I’m late or I’m caring. The real question is how much I’m producing for the company.

  1. Consequence:

Consequence challenges the statement of the other person by highlighting a consequence of what would happen if the other person’s belief is followed.

If I wasn’t late I wouldn’t have been able to close the sale while I was at a breakfast meeting.

  1. Hierarchy of Criteria:

Challenge the belief based on more important criteria ,suggesting something more important is there to consider

Isn’t it more important to focus on how much the person gives while on the job rather than punctuality?

  1. Apply to self:

Apply to self,turns their belief/statement back on them-either by implying that the consequences they suggest to be  applicable to you is actually also applicable to them.

If you are concerned about the company you would not have told me this late.

I will like to give another example for this pattern. In a heated argument you say somethings and the other person says…

Other Person: Saying mean things means you are a bad person.

You:   It is too bad you said that.It’s a mean thing to say to a collegue.

  1. Changing frame size:

This pattern extends the implication of the belief to a larger(or smaller)scale,or to a longer(or shorter) time frame.

Over time, you’ll see I brought in more business in a timely fashion for the company than all of the people who showed up to work on time.

  1. Meta frame:

Meta frame challenges the basis behind the belief/statement instead of challenging the statement.

Lots of progressive companies are working with flex time for their high producers. I thought you were a forward thinking person.

Now imagine the power of having ALL these patterns at your fingertips for every single objection you are likely to encounter in every single situation.

You may understand some of the sleight of mouth patterns…find some helpful and usable….don’t have a clue about some of the other patterns…But,That’s okay. You don’t need all of them. If you can pick up just one or Two sleight of the mouth patterns and apply it in your real life, that’s all you need. Because,Some of the smart mouths in the real world just use one or two of the patterns.

Good Luck Practicing the Sleight of mouth patterns in the real world out there.

Conversational hypnosis language patterns -Practical Examples for use in real Life

What Is Hypnosis?

To know about hypnosis you have to first learn what a ‘Trance’ is.

People drop into trance many times everyday, Whenever they are pulled into a riveting novel, when they become enthralled while watching a movie, etc. You have likely had an experience when you are driving home from work in your car, and as you enter your home and sink in to your favorite couch, you realize that you don’t recall driving the last five miles.
Your unconscious handled the driving while you were thinking about something else. All these are examples of different forms of trance.

Hypnosis is artificially inducing a trance state in the listener so that they will listen and follow your suggestions more readily.(Since you are bypassing their Consious mind which may be resisting your suggestions)
Process to do hypnosis/Steps in hypnosis

– Attention:Absorb your subject’s attention; focus their attention. You need to pull it and draw it in to the hypnotic.

– Bypass the Critical Factor (and Bypass the regular conscious mindsets)
Bypass the little voice inside their head that says’Oh that won’t work”
Bypass habitual patterns to allow new patterns to be installed

– Stimulate the Unconscious Mind
Recruit their unconscious mind to perform actual change work.
Change work can be anything you wanted the other person to experience.You can make them feel great by saying good things or feel depressed by saying not so good things.

So what is conversation hypnosis and How this conversation hypnosis work?

My personal expectation from conversation hypnosis is….The ability to change the Mental State of the listener through the course of a conversation.I may be wrong.It may be just a subset of what i can really do with conversation hypnosis…it may be just the tip of the iceberg…or just the cherry on Top of the cake….But all i want from learning Conversation Hypnosis is the ability to
change the Mental State of the listener by just talking to them.

Lets face the following cases:-

a.You are going in to the Boss cabin for asking a raise or for a salary appraisal but he is in a bad mood.May be he had a fight with his wife before comming to office that day.

What if you can talk with him normally and can get him in to a lighter mood first?
Say something that will raise the Probability of getting a higher salary multiple times right?

Here is another Real life scenario…

b.Your wife is shopping.She is so excited and is about to buy things that are a luxury for your current economic state of your family.

What if you can bring her excitement down to a couple of notches towards reality,by talking with her,so that she realises that the stuff she was about to buy was not a necessity.And it was all her idea.

How much money did you just save with your conversation skills?

Conversation hypnosis in Movies:

My favorite example of conversation hypnosis in a movie is Below.It is from a Brad Pitt Movie called ‘Money Ball’.Brad Pit is a Baseball Team GM .He is disappointed with the little amount of money allocated by Scott the owner of the Team for him to spend on his Team to make it win.He enters Scott’s office and complains that bigger Teams spend 80 Millions for their Teams success and how he is expected to compete and make his team win with a few millions.

The following is the modified script of what the Boss-The owner of the team says to Brad Pitt.

SCOTT Says….
We’re a small market team. You’re a small market GM. And I’m asking you to be okay with not spending money I don’t have. And
I’m asking you to take a breath and sit back and relax. And then I’m asking you to get back in a room with your people and
figure out how you’re going to do the task with the money I do have.

And as he says that you can see Brad Pitt taking a deep Breath and leans back and his mood lightens up.That’s an example of the Use of conversational hypnosis.

Golden Nugget #1:
When someone comes to you with a problem, it only means they have forgotten where the right resource is which will help them solve the problem. When you find the resources they need and attach them to the problem, the problem vanishes. Approximately 85% of the time, this process will make the problem easily dissolve and go away.

 

How to build courage and confidence in your real life

Courage is something that everyone needs in their life to make like easy. It was considered as one of the most important virtue a Man has to posses. Most of the people in the world may have education, wealth, beauty etc.. but people with great Courage and confidence are the only ones that get a place in History. Those who are brave and Bold and courageous alone have the power to bring the masses under their influence.

If you have a glance of the World History only the name of the courageous men withstand their fame, for their Brave actions, for a long time. Hercules, Napoleon, Alexander etc.. are just a few names of courageous men who changed the flow of history.

courageous-people_with_confidence
courageous-people_with_confidence

What is Courage?

Courage is nothing but a state of mind devoid of fear and it can be achieved with the help of Positive thought. An Indian Saint Swami Vivekananda once told “You are what you think”, our inner conscious decides how to frame our life. Our thoughts have that much power to design the life of a person. If you think Good, Good things will happen in your life. If you think Bad, the same will reflect. So we should be very careful in developing our thought since our thought becomes our speech, our speech becomes our action, our action becomes character. So if we have brave thoughts, you will become courageous and confident.

For example, if you have the self image that you are strong and energetic, you will definitely be considered strong and courageous by the outer world. By contrary, if you think you are weak in a negative way, the result will be as our thinking.

Courage is nothing but overcoming fear with positive mind set.

Fear

Fear is the basic human emotion or behavior which we tend to get from Mind through our Nervous system. It a natural phenomenon and it is possible for us to avoid easily if we follow some certain set of rules/practices

Types of Fear

There are so many types of fear in this world and following is the some of them which we commonly used to see around us

if we are going to do new a new thing which was not done earlier, automatically we get afraid about that. This is the fear of new things.

We would have seen in our work place, normally most of the person get tensed or afraid to speak with their Boss or Superior

This is one type of fear i.e Fear of Superiors

In some peculiar cases, some Men hesitate to speak with Girls or women without any concrete reason.(Some Women also react the same towards men )

This is the fear of Opposite Sex

Like this, there are many fears(Phobia) in this world to overcome

Identifying Fears:

First of all, we should identify and label our inner fears.It is the first and most important step to nail your fear and become courageous.

List out the Fear:

To identify this, we have to carefully watch our own thought from the beginning of the day and should take a note for what are all the things suddenly we are afraid of.

List it down and find yourself by raising a question that whether a valid reason is available to get nervous or being afraid of.

Expose yourself to your worst fears:

The best way to overcome fear is to experience the fear by doing that thing what we were afraid of. This itself will make us stronger and bold.

Acting on the thing without delay:

If you are afraid of Boss means, Go and speak with Boss without any further delay/hesitation. The moment you complete the conversation with your Boss, you will definitely get a courage of overcoming the thing what you have earlier considered as Fear

Continuous and uninterrupted thinking

If you want to achieve a great thing then our whole mind and soul have to think about that again and again imagining that our target has been achieved successfully.

Thinking again and again about a thing in a smooth way will surely give us positive result. This is one of the ways to be courageous

Visualize

If you are participating in a Karate competition and you feel that there are many participants are more powerful than you then Imagine that you are beating and kicking your opponent hardly irrespective of how strong he/she may be (or) imagine getting Championship cup from Referee after winning the final tournament.Visualizing something like this will not do you any harm it will make you feel better and give you a better chance to succeed.This type of positive Visualization in your mind will bring you more energy and power and you will see miracles happen in your life.

Developing Confidence:

Confidence and courage is like two side of a coin. If one side is not present, obviously the coin becomes invalid .So don’t let your confidence down at any moment

The More you are Confident, the More you will succeed

If you are truly not confident means, at least try to pretend that you are confident

Meditation

Meditation is the process of controlling mind in the right path. Controlling mind requires practice and it should be done in a calm place. At the starting stage of Meditation there should not be any distraction in this process so you should choose a place which fulfills the requirement. After practicing for some time you would be able to meditate wherever you are. Closing your eyes and breathing deeply as well as slowly is the main strategy for a good meditation. While meditating we should bring in the thought for what you are afraid of and to enhance or chat yourself that you have overcome that fear and it is nothing to be afraid of anymore. Sometimes during meditation definitely negative thoughts may arise and try to conquer your mind. But we should carefully watch our thought and should concentrate on the good and positive things only.

Eyes looking down to the right.What this body Language mean?

Let’s say you are talking to your date and you are describing your first kiss experience and you notice that your partner’s eyes are looking down to their right hand side.Freeze…What does this body language Mean?

Eyes looking down to right
Eyes looking down to right

If a person is Looking down to the right their body language indicates that they are attending to their internal emotions.They are just feeling the emotions that they once experienced or the feelings they are experiencing at the moment.
So in our scenario your date maybe focusing on how her body is turned on by your narration of your intimate experience.Or She is focusing on her feelings,her own first kiss experience and how it made her feel.

If you ask someone to “Do you remember the aroma and taste of the food we had at that restaurant last time? “, and if their eyes  look down to the right then they have probably  recalled the aroma and the taste and are experiencing those feelings again.


When we talk to a person what is the most notable thing you see?Their Eyes,Right?
What if you can guess what a person is going through in their mind by just looking at their eyes.There are plenty of advantages if you are going to develop this skill and you will become better and better at reading a person and adjusting your response accordingly.
Don’t worry that you are going to come up as a weirdo for looking in to their eyes,you are just going to appear as a confident and curious Person.

Are you Self conscious -Overcoming Self Consciousness is the first step to become Confident

Let’s start from analysing what self consciousness is and end with practical real life techniques that will help you to overcome Self Consciousness and gain self confidence.In between we are going to cover a lot of examples of self consciousness in different social situations and self evaluate the degree of your self consciousness also but i promise you that this is not going to be a boring ride.

What is Self Consciousness?

Following is the simple definition of Self Consciousness that i can relate to…

Self-consciousness is an acute sense of self-awareness. It is a preoccupation with oneself, as opposed to the philosophical state of self-awareness, which is the awareness that one exists as an individual being. An unpleasant feeling of self-consciousness may occur when one realizes that one is being watched or observed, the feeling that “everyone is looking” at oneself. Some people are habitually more self-conscious than others. Unpleasant feelings of self-consciousness are sometimes associated with shyness or paranoia. –Wikipedia

If the definition doesn’t make much sense let me explain with my favourite metaphor which i personally came up with in my quest of overcoming my own self consciousness .

In real world we have to use our senses-eyes,ears etc.. to listen and see the people around us to respond and react to others perfectly.Let’s crudely call it consciousness.

Imagine all people are fitted with a helmet with a  Smartphone attached hanging in front that is big enough to hide your whole face blocking their vision.Now the only way to see the outer world is to use the smartphone’s front camera and watch the phone’s screen to  interact with the people around you.We can still go around and interact with the People,Right?

Let say for some People their smartphone are in the Front camera mode automatically and they can see only themselves.They start seeing their own faces and facial expressions every time they interact socially with other people.Every time this happens they start to fumble around with their interactions with other people.They see their own frightened faces and get more nervous and this vicious cycle continues till they become worse and stop avoiding interacting with the outer world.Let’s Crudely call this as self consciousness.

Now all that is needed to be done,to make them normal,is to change their camera to back camera mode.Once you understand the Problem the solution is so simple. Right?

So why don’t you just change your mode and start focusing outwards on people during social interactions instead of focusing inwards on yourself.

Now don’t get me wrong.I know self consciousness is not a disease and you won’t believe if i say i might get hate mails from self conscious crusaders who send hate mails.They just don’t want to change and like melancholy and self pity and nobody can understand them better than me because i was one of them.As they say in nlp, everything has a good intention.But Everything has a time and Place and social situations are not the best time to go inside your mind and do a self analysis.

Let us now see why self consciousness is a problem which you should be trying to come out of by some case studies.Rita is a shy Girl in the class and she is self conscious.Guys and Girls in her class like to make fun of her and like to watch her go nervous.When ever someone cracks a joke at her expense instead of giving a fitting reply she wonders what other people are thinking about her and feel shame.If she focuses her attention on delivering a comeback line or at least a assertive answer others will be thinking twice before teasing her again.

The Problem with being self conscious is it will eventually develop in to negative self talk.It’s when something inside you talks back to you…saying things like ‘you cannot do it’,or ‘you look fat’ or what ever you are self conscious about.The more you listen to your negative self talk the worse it will get and sooner rather than later you will have depression.At this stage the only way to come out of the mess is to catch yourself having the negative self talk and stop it.There are effective Techniques to stop negative self talk but that is a different subject altogether,for this scope of this article it suffices to know that self consciousness can lead to further personality complications if you don’t do something about it.

 

How to Persuade and convince investors to invest in your ideas

If you are an entrepreneur with a good business idea but don’t have the funds then you need investor to invest in your ideas to take it off the ground. It is not enough to have a good business idea alone but you would also need to have persuasive skills to convince investors to invest in your ideas.

The skill set you need to influence a businessman is vast to cover for his article but we can show a basic framework within which we can operate to get funds.

The first thing i would come up with is the “Outcome”.The Outcome of the Meeting.
1.Outcome

Outcome: Make him Invest money in My Product.

Then i would ask myself ‘what qualities i should project to …Make him Invest money in your Product.’

Example Answers:
Prove him you have a strong moral background and ethics.(Even money minded investors will love a honest Product owner)
Prove him that there is a strong demand for that Product in the Market.
Prove that he would profit from investing.

So how am i going to prove all this to him?

With my words.In the course of my Conversation.
The key is story telling.
Let me tell that again in case you missed it the first time.The key is story telling.

So how can you tell stories to a seasoned Businessman.A bigshot Investor.

Here is how…I have to prove that there is a demand for my Product.So in the course of my conversation i
would say some thing like…
“When i was first manufacturing My dog food from my own kitchen we could not keep up with the demand
and there were some customers who were mad at us because their dogs got used to our dog food and they were
not eating other brand dog foods well.They were telling mean things like ‘If you can’t manufacture enough and
satisfy your customers why are you running a business’
That’s why we are planning to get a commercial unit to manufacture the dog food’ and we are seeking investors.”

I hope you get the Idea of story telling.
Story telling is one of the Tools of conversational hypnosis that i use in almost all scenarios of conversation.

2.Set the Frame of the Conversation
So all i am going to talk about in the conversation should be within the Frames of Proving that i am a trustworthy person
and that my product has great demand in market and that he would profit greatly by investing in it.
If you aimlessly wander in your conversation you may end up telling your weak links and the investor may get disinterested.Also you may stall in your conversation.

I should be having all the Business information and statistics ready.

3.Get Instant Rapport with the Investor.
My ‘How to make people like you instantly’gig will help you to that.

Derailing Conversations-A Dummies guide to tone policing and other Conversation tactics

Since this is a Dummies guide let’s start from the very beginning.
Define Derailing a Conversation….How does Derailing help you?
In any group conversation or group discussion there will always be sub groups of people who will align with your line of thinking and ideology and agree or like what you are saying.Most likely,there will be another sub set of people who have different perceptions and ideology and experiences than you and your support group share.They may come from a different background and they may have completely opposite experiences about the things you are talking about in your discussion.Eventually one of a person from your opposing group may get offended or feel unhappy about something you say and may interfere while you are talking.
If you ever give them an inch and let them talk they will go to any length to humiliate you in front of your sub group and make you eat your words.
Derailing_Conversations_For_Dummies
Derailing_Conversations_For_Dummies
If you ever get yourself in this situation ‘Derailing a conversation’ is the only skill or Tool that you are going to need to put Duct tape on your opponent’s mouth and make them feel small in front of the Group.A well executed derailment can earn appreciation from the members of the opponent Sub Group also and may make the members of your sub group consider you as their leader.
If you don’t understand parts of what i told above you will get clarity once you listen me explaining the real life scenarios where you can apply your new learnt skill of ‘Derailing a conversation’ with real examples.
Scenario #1:
You are put in to a Group discussion where the candidates have to talk against or supporting a social issue.The Interviewers are seated to watch the gladiator in you getting eaten by the hungry tigers.You take the lead and start the Conversation and have some people nodding in support of your views when you hear a fierce voice interfering your train of thoughts.It’s some one from the opposing sub group who was offended by something you said or just another candidate trying to grab your job from your reach.If you don’t take the sword of ‘Derailing Conversations’ and use it on your opponent they are going to make you a spectacle and run away with your job.The Trick is to silence your opponent artfully and gracefully without inviting further uprisings from others ,else Ceaser watching over the match will be giving you a thumbs down and you may go home empty handed.
Scenario #2:
You are the Team leader and you are Suggesting your Plan of action for the Management’s Problem and one of your team member questions your Plan and is about to Pitch his own Plan.
Worst case scenario-You lose the grace of the Management and the Team member becomes your Leader.
Best case scenario-You Derailing the Conversation with Tone Policing and entertaining the Management all the while
So what is Common in all the above Real life scenarios?
There is your Opponent you have to silence and there is also a higher authority who is overseeing you.You not only have to Derail the conversation and trivialize your opponent but also have to do it subtly without letting the Management or higher authority Interfere.
By ‘Derailing a conversation’ what we mean really are ways to detract,silence,belittle, devalue ,deprecate,decry the validity of a statement by attacking the tone or person rather than the message.
Derailing or Tone Policing can be effectively done if you have higher authority and you are in the privileged group.To explain this Point let’s say you are talking with your town people about the visitors from the neighboring spoiling your town’s safety.If there is a particular person who originally came and settled from the neighboring town in the group he may get offended and may argue against your argument.In this scenario the Opponent is having lesser advantage and you are in a Prevailed position because you have the home crowd support.

Social Confidence Secrets -101 Techniques to become socially confident.

Social confidence Secrets are techniques and practical methods suggested by social confidence coaches to gain effortless social confidence to experience a happy social life. If you think you are lacking in self confidence and are avoiding social situations then developing the needed social skills is all that is required to  turn the tables and enjoy social conversations and situations.

The  following are some of the secrets to gain social confidence shared by contributors who successfully  overcame their limitation and lived the life they dreamed to live.

1.Uproot your Low self esteem:

If you are lacking in confidence to socially mingle and have a nice time with other people the primary reason might be your Low self Esteem. You should be aware that getting rid of your low self esteem should be one of the first things you should be doing to become a confident person.

a.If you have low self esteem you should be also having a reason for having it.The reason may range from bad childhood to chronic physical conditions.Let’s take the bad childhood example,say.John is 35 years old and is single with no real friends.John had forgettable bad childhood memories,his father used to disgrace him by scolding in front of his friends and classmates.Now all John has to do is to forget his forgettable bad childhood and move on and try to get dates and friends like the rest of his friends do.But John chose to Cling on to his old bitter memories and it had its negative effect on his life.If you are watching John character in a movie you may say “John!Forgive your parents and let go of your past.Your heroine is loving you but you are turning her off with your attitude.”

Sometimes it is easy to get rid of your low self esteem,as easy as forgetting something that doesn’t need to be remembered anyway.

2.Rehearse your social confidence in your mind:

I have seen this technique recommended for making Public speech in front of a large audience.If it works for a large audience why not let it work on a one to one meeting with someone?The situation is this…You have to spend a hour or two with someone and you want to make a good impression on the other person.So you can just imagine the flow of the things that is about to happen just like a flash forward.The Trick is make it positive and don’t think about failure.There are many ways you can go about this,you can just sit back and watch yourself as the confident person you want to be doing the things that need to be done easily in your mind movie.Or your can Brian storm how things will go positively in the meeting.See the other person attracted to you and what you have to offer,picture yourself impressing them and feel good about it.

The trick about rehearsing social situations in you mind is to visualize only the flow of things that you want to happen.Don’t plan minute details like what words you will use in your conversation.

3.Practice and Rehearse you social confidence in less intimidating situations:

Picture this.You have to meet your landlord in a couple of days  to persuade him to lower the rent or even not to raise the rent.Now if you are not a people person it may be a intimidating situation for you.You can start practicing persuading people in non-intimidating situations so that you can gain some confidence in your social skills and it will definitely carry forward when you are going to negotiate with your landlord about the rent.

Asking your office peon to run some errand for you or persuading your kids to complete some small tasks are some of the things that are examples for non-intimidating persuasion scenarios.

4.Improve your social confidence with physical exercises.

This is one of the best secret for improving your social confidence.If you are not feeling socially powerful or confident ask yourself how you would feel if you have the body of Brad Pitt or whoever you think is Hot and confident.

If you are still wondering what physical exercises has got to do with social confidence then let me rephrase it-Physical good looks and Social Confidence-How does it sound now.

It has been scientifically proved that doing 5 minutes of physical exercise a day will make someone 70% more healthier than when he is doing no physical exercise at all.
Having a great body makes you feel good about yourself and give you the confidence to take on any social situation.
One of my social media follower who was constantly depressed and was having social anxiety suddenly started sharing pictures of himself with hot women.He was looking good and happy.I had a chat with him to know the reason behind this positive change.He revealed that it all started when he started watching MMA-Mixed martial Arts videos in youtube. He started exercising and his looks improved.He got confident that he can handle ant social situation.He started hanging out in the right places and mingled with the right people.He got a better job which he loved doing and everything started going northwards for him.
If you are fifty plus this may not be the secret you are searching for to improve your social confidence but if you are anywhere around your Thirties just do some physical exercises daily and watch it improve your health and physique and your social confidence.
5.Improve your Conversational skills
Nine out of ten times a person’s social anxiety is all because of his lack of conversation skills.People lacking in conversation skills start avoiding people and soon their confidence in social situations take a hit.If you feel that you are shy or having social anxiety the first thing that you should be doing is to improve your communication skills.Most people think that there is nothing to learn about communication skill and that interacting with people should come naturally.For now it would be better if you just trust me and start improving your communication.
Start by doing a self analysis and come up with particular things you are lacking in your conversations.For example if you are afraid of initiating conversations with people you know or with strangers start learning a few conversation starters and start practicing with strangers.You got nothing to lose by trying and got everything to gain.If you have difficulty expressing yourself then improve your vocabulary and learn some conversational tactics that will get you going without stalling.In shorts
start somewhere and start improving your conversation skills and you are going to enjoy social situations once you master conversations.
6.Practice your Hi and Hello:
7.Enhance your smile.Smile from your heart and let it show in your eyes.
I came across a Quote which reads ‘God resides on the smiles of the innocent’

 

8.Improve your social confidence by working on something that makes you feel self conscious
I know this may sound vague for some people but let me explain to help you realize that by working on your defects you can improve your social confidence multiple times.negaIn most cases if you are having low self esteem the root cause may be because of some physical condition that you think prevents you from getting accepted by others and mingling freely with others.
If you have low social confidence and you can identify with what i told above there is good news for you.You can improve your confidence multiple times just by setting a goal and working towards improving the aspects that are worrying you.The first challenge is identifying the major aspect that you want to change in yourself.It maybe a physical aspect like ‘getting rid of your pot belly’ or a phobia like ‘fear of driving a car’ -anything that prevents you from enjoying a happy life that you deserve.

9.Take stock of Good things you already have in life and celebrate

I would have put this Tip in the Top number 1 position if i had remembered this Gem while i started writing this Post. This technique is unique in that we are taking positivism from the Present rather than visualizing in the Future.Thus anyone can use this method to improve their confidence.Let me explain in detail with examples…

Let’s say you are working on getting richer and you are not satisfied with your current financial situation.But maybe you are in a beautiful relationship and your love life is going Great.Just acknowledging the great things you already have in your life can motivate you to try harder and give you hope to achieve other things you want in life.Imagining the gifts you can buy for your partner when you eventually get richer will make you work harder without negativity.What most people do is quite the opposite.They are furious that they are not getting richer in spite of their efforts and they show their anger and disappointments from workplace on their kids and wife and spoil their relationships.Here the negativity from work spoils the relationship and peace at home.What you should be doing is to use the Positive energy you gain from your relationship spread to your work on improving yourself financially.

 

 

 

 

How to change your Child’s negative attitude and behaviour with Storytelling

Not all parents know the power of positive thinking and how with negative thoughts and attitudes
self sabotage our lives leading us in to worries ,phobias and ultimately in to depression.Personally i myself grew up as a Prince of Negative Thoughts and Attitudes as far as my memory goes in to my childhood.Worrying and anger were the Top negative issues i had growing up.I realized how these negative attitudes were playing their hand in keeping my life miserable and how i needed to think Positively to make my life better when i started reading some books on Positive thinking.I gradually changed myself from being a person with negative attitude to beome a positive person.

How to change a kid's negative attitude
How to change a kid’s negative attitude

I understand that we are here to learn about how to change our kids negative thoughts and attitudes and not to learn about myself.But if you are not seeing what i am doing here,i need you to understand that,if your child has negative attitude the first step is to make sure that your child didn’t inherit the negativity from you.In that case you have to start working on yourself and change yourself first and your child will pick up the positive glow from you and will change his or her negative ways eventually.

But if you are a Positive person with a nice attitude and your children have recently picked up unwanted negative attitudes from others we can easily change the child’s negative behaviour with storytelling.

First things first.Negative Behaviour or negative attitude is such a broad term.First we have to single out specifically what kind of negative attitude you want to change in your child and you have to tell the story to attack that particular trait.

Lets do a case study of how i helped my son with a story.
My son was kind of saying that he had no friends at school and at play.I wanted to help him out and i started to observe him while he is at play with his playmates.He was constantly getting angry at the other kids.I started to observe a pattern in the fights he picked up and found the root cause of his problem.He was making fun of the other kids and was teasing other kids.For example he would do something in play and say ‘I am the first,you are the last’ and the other kids hated him.If the other kids were better than him in doing something he got angry and went mad.When he came complaining to me i said “Let me tell you a story”.
The following is the actuall story i told him.I am sure that you can do better than me but i have shared my story for you just in case you need it and find it helpful.

Outcome:To persuade him not to make fun of other and mind his own business.

Story: Once there lived a boy who runs fast.He was the fastest runner in his class.One day the boy and his classmate were playing in the school ground and they were about to run a race when a new boy asked him if he can join the race.So all the three ran the race.Our boy was leading the race and he turned back and began to make fun of his classmates who is comming behind.He said ‘I am the first,you are last!”
When he finally looked ahead of the race track he noticed that the new boy who had joined them has now gained the lead and he is nearing the finish line.The New boy won the Race.Everyone congratulated the new boy and they asked him the secret of winning the race.
The boy turned to his classmate and said “If i had not turned back and mocked at you i would have won the race.i
was irritating you and i lost both your fiendship and the Race.
-The End-
Now,if you may say that this story is ordinary and it will never work in changing the child’s negative attitude of making fun of others.But it worked in a large way with my child and you may also understand how it worked when you hear me explaing how it worked.

Someone once asked me..”Why can’t you just tell your son to stop making fun of others and take of his own business directly.Why you need a story?”.I didn’t because that will not not help to change his attitude.If you are a parent you would have already tried telling and yelling commands directly at your child and one thing i bet you learned well is that it doesn’t work out that way.Why doesn’t it work?There is a psychological truth behind it.The consious mind of people does not like it when others tell them how to think and what to do.But when you tell a story,it is a metaphor.They have to go deep inside their mind and try wearing the character on them.They get the message unconsiously.It will get much more complicated if i try to explain in detail but i want you to come out with different stories for different problems you want to help your child with.And you that storytelling helps when you tell a good story and it works.

How to change the subject during a conversation and change the Topic

Often times we will be in situations where we won’t be feeling comfortable discussing some topics with some people.In such situations we may need to change the subject of the conversation away from what that makes you feel uncomfortable and towards topics that will give you a upper hand.

There are a whole lot of NLP power phrases available,which you can learn,to successfully do this in any conversation in your day to day life.Once you learn some of these and add it in your Toolkit the possibilities are Endless here…you can apply it in your Personal,Business or in your day to day conversations with strangers.We can successfully change the direction of a conversation towards the subject or topic you want it to Proceed but first you have to decide if you are going to do this the soft way or with authority.

The REDEFINE Pattern is a NLP technique that allows you change the topic of a conversation away from the topic you are not comfortable with authority and style.

The redefine pattern goes like this ‘The issue is not about ‘their subject’ but about ‘your subject’.

If you don’t understand the hang of this language pattern yet,stay with me,and you will realize the power of the REDEFINE pattern when i explain it with an example in a Business Scenario.

Scenario:
You are a Team leader and you are assigned a difficult Project that needs to be completed in the next two weeks.
You arrange a Team meeting and break this news to your team mates and they revolt saying how difficult the task is or how it is impossible to achieve in the given deadline.

Your team members are struck in a negative routine finding reasons why they cannot do the given task while you have organized this meeting to discuss how to plan this task.If you are going to say nothing your team members will eventually persuade the other members and even you to start thinking of ways to escape the task.But Luckily you know the REDEFINE pattern and know exactly what to say to steer them away from their negativity and Towards the subject that need to be addressed.

Picture this…..You stand up and say….
“The issue is not about the difficulty of this task but about how we are about to plan to complete it within the deadline,for which we all are getting paid .”

Just in case you don’t realize what you have done here
….You have closed all the doors and opened the only door to the room where you want to lock them in.Now you have indirectly suggested that the only thing that you are going to talk in this meeting is about the plans for achieving the given task and not about anything else.

Now that you have started to understand the power of the REDEFINE pattern to change the subject and direct the conversation to the topic you want to talk about.

Let’s see a variation of this technique in the sales scenario.You are a salesman and the customer is stalling from buying the product ,even though he likes it because he thinks it is overpriced.

You say….
“The Real Problem here is not that this Product is costing you a few extra bucks more but that it is exactly what you wanted for your home.”