Would you like to discover why some people seem to easily and effortlessly start great conversations with anyone they meet? While you struggle and wonder what they are doing wrong.Although it can seem like a complete mystery until someone reveals the secret to you.
Feeling shy, lacking confidence and getting stuck for words need not be the way you spend the rest of your life.The problem is you have been getting bad advice – from people who don’t understand what its
like for you to feel self- conscious. And unable to express yourself as well as you know you can in day to day life. Even though you do so well with your closest friends. Read on to discover the answers… Having superior conversation skills and great people skills is a matter of strategy.
These abilities are not reserved exclusively for some lucky elite group of people. I urge you to read and use the insights I share in this post and return often to this article to review the material. When I set out on this journey you now find yourself on I found it difficult to meet new
people. I was often shy when I desperately wanted to speak up. I lacked confidence in myself even though I knew I had a lot to offer. My day-to-day life was dominated by barriers to what I could do, would do and felt safe doing. If you ever feel unsure of yourself with other people, stuck for something to say and tense for no good reason then you know what I am talking about.
Let me tell you now. There is a better way! Devote yourself to learning effective communication strategies and commit to mastering them and your life will change beyond all recognition. I am the same person I was when I felt stuck because of shyness. The difference now is that I can
instantly feel confident with people whenever I choose to. I no longer get tongue tied when meeting new people. Making conversation is easy for me now and it can be for you too. You can do the same. All you need to do is learn advanced communication skills strategies that actually work. Little by little you can become even better than you expect in all your dealings with other people.
10 Simple Steps to Developing Confidence and Improve your communication skills.
Now lets cover the steps to developing superior communication skills that causes people to respond positively to your ideas and requests.
Step 1 – State Management
Every successful man and woman deals effectively with the constant pressure and demands of modern life. You need to learn to do the same. If you don’t you will fail to communicate at your best when it is most important that you do so. One of my millionaire mentors was telling me
recently how much he loves to solve problems. And he was smiling and excited about having more problems to look forward to! This kind of attitude allows you to approach life in a whole new way. It means that you feel positive and energetic when the pressure is on. Consequently
you will be able to express yourself well even in the face of stressful situations. And just as importantly, it means that you feel good when you communicate so that you come across as a capable and confident person. And feeling good makes it so much easier to make great conversation. Think of people who have charisma… Maybe your favorite actor or even someone in your office. Do they exude stress and worry? Of course not! They have charisma partly because they feel relaxed and in charge of their circumstances. Make of point of managing your attitude and your emotions. Your ability to express yourself in a charming way will soar.
Step 2 – Congruence
A second key factor in expressing yourself clearly when making conversation is the ability to have congruence in all that you do. What do I mean by congruence? I mean that who you are,what you do and how you communicate must all be in alignment. Charismatic people intuitively
know this. Think of a charismatic business leader like Steve Jobs of Apple Computers. He loves developing new technologies, it excites him and it’s what he wants to do. It’s part of who he is. And when he speaks he is talking about what he loves with a sincere passion. He doesn’t need to
pretend to be excited about his work and what Apple is producing. He is excited! In contrast think of someone you know who is doing a job he doesn’t really want to do. When he tries to be enthusiastic about his work it seems false. Because it is. To communicate with more impact you
must be congruent. Make a point of always doing what you say you will. And find ways of aligning what you want most in life with the work you do. For example if high standards are important to you apply this principle to all your tasks, even to those you don’t want to do. Little by little you will become more congruent in your work as well as in your home life.. This will
cause you to be fully present when you deal with coworkers and family. And when you speak you will have more credibility and impact.
Step 3 – High Self Esteem and that Charismatic Glow
I have never known a charismatic person who did not feel good about himself and the role he performed in life. People who approve of themselves and who have high self-esteem take good care of themselves and the needs of the people in their environment. They actively encourage
people to pay attention when they speak. How? Simply by the way they exude positive feelings about themselves and others. The opposite is also true. A senior manager who does not feel good about himself is incapable of treating his staff as well as they deserve. He is likely to be
harsh when he needs to be more considerate and likely to be unreasonable when he needs to listen more. He is actively encouraging people to avoid him. However when you do have high self esteem your friends and family will be more responsive to what you say because your non verbal communication will be more alive and more compelling. Make a point of appreciating yourself for you are and not just for what you can do. Be willing to accept praise from your peers for your contribution at work and be kinder to yourself when things do not work out. Think about the way you treat your best friend. Do you treat yourself as well? Probably not! Approve of yourself more and you will exude an aura of positive energy that will attract people to you.
You will then have more charisma and more confidence to say what you really think when you make conversation!
Step 4 – Energize Yourself
Confident communication and energy feed off each other. It takes energy to have an impact on other people and it takes energy to be charismatic. And when you exude charm and confidence you unleash the energy in those who are listening to you. They feel charged up and ready to
take action because of the effect your words have on them. Your goal then is not just to speak better and listen more. You need to make a point of having more energy. Find out how to eat in a way that gives your body energy instead of tiring you. Learn to meditate to let go of the daily
stress of life and take exercise you enjoy that makes you stronger. Before long you will dominate the afternoon meetings because you will be bouncing with energy while everyone else is struggling to stay awake! After work you will have more energy for socializing and meeting new
people – even making small talk will seem easier when you feel charged up. Remember your ability to display superior communication skills is limited without the energy to fuel it.
Step 5 – The Flexibility to Succeed
The leader that exudes confidence does so because she is flexible in how she communicates.She understands that different people respond differently to the same words and that it is imperative that she understands this and adapts her approach to suit who she is talking to. One
size does not fit all! Some people like to hear the message quickly while some need it explained slowly. Others want the big picture only but their colleagues get confused unless they get all the details up front. One of the most successful people I know is a master of communication
flexibility. How does he do it? The secret is to be a great observer! Watch and listen very carefully to other people when they speak to you. They will invariably talk in the way they like to be spoken to. If someone speaks slowly and explains his points with real life examples then you need to speak his language when it is your turn to speak. Speak quickly and in conceptual terms and you will have no charisma as far as he is concerned.
Step 6 – Stretch to Grow
Another trait I have observed through observing highly successful individuals is the attitude of always growing. These gifted communicators learned this craft by persisting and continuing to learn from every experience. After a meeting these people typically ask themselves how they
could have performed even better. And they stretch themselves everyday to do just a little better than the day before. Make a list of those situations in your life where you find it difficult to communicate at your best. Pick one to work on. Now brainstorm: What is holding you back?What skills do you need to learn? Who can I learn from? Then act on the possible solutions and keep adjusting your approach until you achieve your goal of communicating with charisma in these situations. Adopt this attitude of stretching and improving even a little each day and before long you will be a masterful communicator.
Step 7 – Join The Top 3% of Humanity
It’s shocking when you learn the difference between those who get what they want in life and everyone else. There is a relatively small group of people who seem to have all the luck. They drive luxury cars, live in huge homes, have great relationships and succeed at virtually everything they do. How do they do it? Well it’s not because of luck unless you believe that luck is due to preparation and an eye for spotting and seizing opportunities. The top 3% of humanity commit to self-development. They invest in books, courses and seminars to develop their skills
and abilities. They then go one step further and apply what they learn. Although it sounds crazy most people do not apply what they learn and not surprisingly most people live unsatisfying lives. Finally, the top 3% don’t waste time. They use the same 24 hours you have each day to get
things done. They don’t waste hours watching TV. These people are more likely to be producing TV entertainment or selling their products on TV than to be sitting at home vegetating in front of the box in the corner. You want superior communication skills? Are you prepared to do what the
top 3% do? When I first learned the powerful communication skills I now use daily I was impressed by the material I was absorbing in seminars. So was every one else! What made me different was the fact that after a long seminar I would spend the evening going over my notes and studying the material. I then spent at least one hour each day using my new skills until I had mastered the material. My communication skills grew very quickly and my confidence soared. I found it much, much easier to make conversation even when meeting new people. I doubled my salary in a matter of months. You can develop exceptional people skills and enjoy feeling deeply
appreciated and respected by others. Are you prepared to work at it? The choice is yours!
Step 8 – Beyond Wanting Approval
What is the source of that charismatic glow that some people have? Why does it radiate so strongly? When you do not want or need the approval of the people you are talking to your entire communication takes on a different and more energetic quality. And that’s the secret! Let
go of wanting the approval of other people and ironically you will tend to get that very approval.
Why is this? Quite simply people tend to take things at face value. If you have a conviction that you are correct about something others will assume you are right unless additional information proves otherwise. The same applies to approval. If you do not need approval you do not give off
the feeling that you lack approval. This encourages your listener to follow your lead and believe that you ought to be approved of. On the other hand when someone desperately needs your approval you can sense their neediness and see the craving in their eyes. This wanting approval
prevents the person from having confidence. A sound strange doesn’t it? Think of a time when you were fired up about an idea and you spoke with real conviction and passion about it. Think of a time when you did this with real confidence. In that moment isn’t it true that getting people to agree with you did not matter that much? Unknowingly you had stumbled onto a secret to charisma. The only challenge is that you don’t know how to get back into this state whenever you want to.
Step 9 – Be At Your Persuasive Best
Charisma is that aura that some people have that makes you receptive to what they say. In other words they have a persuasive charm that causes people to take action based on what they suggest. Would like to be more persuasive? Would it help you to enlist the help of your coworkers when you need to get things done? Do you want your family to pay more attention to your needs? The best communicators in the workplace do not rely solely on their position to get people to take action. They understand the importance of mastering persuasion skills to create an environment where staff willingly work hard to achieve results. How can you become
persuasive today? Pick a topic you will be discussing in an upcoming meeting. Next, pick holes in your argument and leave no stone unturned in looking to destroy your position. Now that you have a big list of potential objections to your message brainstorm at least three answers to each
objection. Once you have done this it is time to mentally rehearse how you will respond to these objections in the actual meeting. In your imagination hear someone running through these objections one at a time. For each objection hear yourself confidently and congruently responding. Reply with the three answers you prepared for each objection. Why? To cover all
angles and to build an inner confidence that only comes from thorough preparation. When you have a great answer to every likely objection you will be ready to deliver a very compelling message. You can apply the same principles to your family life when you want others to do more
of their share of chores!
Step 10 – Focus is the Fuel of Communication Confidence
To talk with confidence you absolutely must remain focused on your goals despite any problems you currently face. You cannot afford to worry about other things when you are talking. If you let your mind wander you will dilute the impact of your words. You need millionaire focus! Let me explain with this example based on a true story.. Barry was on the phone in his office, speaking with confidence, energy and passion. In his office were a number of removal men working quickly moving furniture out the door to the van parked outside. Before long the office was bare except for some old files, a cracked picture frame and a parched plant.
Just then a tall man in a dark suit entered the building with a swagger. He found Barry still on the phone, standing in a corner of the empty office. His voice echoed around the empty room as he finished his conversation and hung up and placed the phone back on the floor. Barry reached into his pocket to find his key ring, he selected the car key and reluctantly handed it over. The man in the suit grabbed it before walking outside and driving off at high speed in the luxury car. John walked in to see Barry just as all of this was happening. He was surprised at how relaxed and confident Barry was given the circumstances. You see, Barry had just lost his business and
the removal men had arrived to repossess his furniture while the car leasing company had taken back the Rolls Royce because the payments had fallen into arrears. John was here for the same reason – to collect an unpaid debt. Although it was clear now that there was little chance of getting any money. So John and Barry did a deal. If Barry would teach him how he could be so cool in the face of pressure than the debt would be regarded as paid. This is what Barry said to him: The big secret in life is to train your mind to think only about what you want to happen and to keep your thoughts off of what you do not want. Despite the fact that I have just lost my
business, my car, and my office I just got off the phone, before it gets disconnected, after negotiating what could be one of my biggest deals ever. Always keep your mind picturing what you really want and THINK ABOUT WHERE YOU WANT TO BE and not where you are. Stress is
what happens when you put your attention on the wrong things.
Most people live life in a trance without noticing the thoughts that are flying around inside their heads all day long. Spend more time each day spotting what you think about, you will likely find that you often run through all the things that could go wrong as well as seeing situations
working out only moderately well. Next, review a recent event where the pressure was on and you froze. How did you manage to put yourself in such an unresourceful state? What thoughts were going through your mind? More than likely you created big pictures in your mind of things
going wrong. Get into the habit of expecting things to work out and you will find yourself picturing life running more smoothly. You will then feel more confident, people will respond to you differently and you will get better results. Before long you will see that it is a self-fulfilling
prophecy. Decide who you want to talk to, be clear about the purpose of your communication and hold that outcome in mind. When you have a clear sense of direction it will guide you when you make conversation. All great communicators have an all-consuming passion that drives
them. It energizes them and this contributes to the glow that makes them seem so alive and dynamic. Focus is essential if you are to exude a confidence that positively influences other people. You can join them when you start applying the insights in this report. Start with the 10
principles in this document and notice how quickly and easily you transform your ability to make great conversation – even when dealing with people who used to make you feel intimidated and
unsure of what to say.