Improve your communication skills and conversation skills

Would you like to discover why some people seem to easily and effortlessly start great conversations with anyone they meet? While you struggle and wonder what they are doing wrong.Although it can seem like a complete mystery until someone reveals the secret to you.

Improve-Communication-skills
Improve-Communication-skills

Feeling shy, lacking confidence and getting stuck for words need not be the way you spend the rest of your life.The problem is you have been getting bad advice – from people who don’t understand what its
like for you to feel self- conscious. And unable to express yourself as well as you know you can in day to day life. Even though you do so well with your closest friends. Read on to discover the answers… Having superior conversation skills and great people skills is a matter of strategy.
These abilities are not reserved exclusively for some lucky elite group of people. I urge you to read and use the insights I share in this post and return often to this article to review the material. When I set out on this journey you now find yourself on I found it difficult to meet new
people. I was often shy when I desperately wanted to speak up. I lacked confidence in myself even though I knew I had a lot to offer. My day-to-day life was dominated by barriers to what I could do, would do and felt safe doing. If you ever feel unsure of yourself with other people, stuck for something to say and tense for no good reason then you know what I am talking about.
Let me tell you now. There is a better way! Devote yourself to learning effective communication strategies and commit to mastering them and your life will change beyond all recognition. I am the same person I was when I felt stuck because of shyness. The difference now is that I can
instantly feel confident with people whenever I choose to. I no longer get tongue tied when meeting new people. Making conversation is easy for me now and it can be for you too. You can do the same. All you need to do is learn advanced communication skills strategies that actually work. Little by little you can become even better than you expect in all your dealings with other people.
10 Simple Steps to Developing Confidence and Improve your communication skills.

Now lets cover the steps to developing superior communication skills that causes people to respond positively to your ideas and requests.
Step 1 – State Management

Every successful man and woman deals effectively with the constant pressure and demands of modern life. You need to learn to do the same. If you don’t you will fail to communicate at your best when it is most important that you do so. One of my millionaire mentors was telling me
recently how much he loves to solve problems. And he was smiling and excited about having more problems to look forward to! This kind of attitude allows you to approach life in a whole new way. It means that you feel positive and energetic when the pressure is on. Consequently
you will be able to express yourself well even in the face of stressful situations. And just as importantly, it means that you feel good when you communicate so that you come across as a capable and confident person. And feeling good makes it so much easier to make great conversation. Think of people who have charisma… Maybe your favorite actor or even someone in your office. Do they exude stress and worry? Of course not! They have charisma partly because they feel relaxed and in charge of their circumstances. Make of point of managing your attitude and your emotions. Your ability to express yourself in a charming way will soar.
Step 2 – Congruence
A second key factor in expressing yourself clearly when making conversation is the ability to have congruence in all that you do. What do I mean by congruence? I mean that who you are,what you do and how you communicate must all be in alignment. Charismatic people intuitively
know this. Think of a charismatic business leader like Steve Jobs of Apple Computers. He loves developing new technologies, it excites him and it’s what he wants to do. It’s part of who he is. And when he speaks he is talking about what he loves with a sincere passion. He doesn’t need to
pretend to be excited about his work and what Apple is producing. He is excited! In contrast think of someone you know who is doing a job he doesn’t really want to do. When he tries to be enthusiastic about his work it seems false. Because it is. To communicate with more impact you
must be congruent. Make a point of always doing what you say you will. And find ways of aligning what you want most in life with the work you do. For example if high standards are important to you apply this principle to all your tasks, even to those you don’t want to do. Little by little you will become more congruent in your work as well as in your home life.. This will
cause you to be fully present when you deal with coworkers and family. And when you speak you will have more credibility and impact.
Step 3 – High Self Esteem and that Charismatic Glow
I have never known a charismatic person who did not feel good about himself and the role he performed in life. People who approve of themselves and who have high self-esteem take good care of themselves and the needs of the people in their environment. They actively encourage
people to pay attention when they speak. How? Simply by the way they exude positive feelings about themselves and others. The opposite is also true. A senior manager who does not feel good about himself is incapable of treating his staff as well as they deserve. He is likely to be
harsh when he needs to be more considerate and likely to be unreasonable when he needs to listen more. He is actively encouraging people to avoid him. However when you do have high self esteem your friends and family will be more responsive to what you say because your non verbal communication will be more alive and more compelling. Make a point of appreciating yourself for you are and not just for what you can do. Be willing to accept praise from your peers for your contribution at work and be kinder to yourself when things do not work out. Think about the way you treat your best friend. Do you treat yourself as well? Probably not! Approve of yourself more and you will exude an aura of positive energy that will attract people to you.
You will then have more charisma and more confidence to say what you really think when you make conversation!
Step 4 – Energize Yourself
Confident communication and energy feed off each other. It takes energy to have an impact on other people and it takes energy to be charismatic. And when you exude charm and confidence you unleash the energy in those who are listening to you. They feel charged up and ready to
take action because of the effect your words have on them. Your goal then is not just to speak better and listen more. You need to make a point of having more energy. Find out how to eat in a way that gives your body energy instead of tiring you. Learn to meditate to let go of the daily
stress of life and take exercise you enjoy that makes you stronger. Before long you will dominate the afternoon meetings because you will be bouncing with energy while everyone else is struggling to stay awake! After work you will have more energy for socializing and meeting new
people – even making small talk will seem easier when you feel charged up. Remember your ability to display superior communication skills is limited without the energy to fuel it.
Step 5 – The Flexibility to Succeed
The leader that exudes confidence does so because she is flexible in how she communicates.She understands that different people respond differently to the same words and that it is imperative that she understands this and adapts her approach to suit who she is talking to. One
size does not fit all! Some people like to hear the message quickly while some need it explained slowly. Others want the big picture only but their colleagues get confused unless they get all the details up front. One of the most successful people I know is a master of communication
flexibility. How does he do it? The secret is to be a great observer! Watch and listen very carefully to other people when they speak to you. They will invariably talk in the way they like to be spoken to. If someone speaks slowly and explains his points with real life examples then you need to speak his language when it is your turn to speak. Speak quickly and in conceptual terms and you will have no charisma as far as he is concerned.
Step 6 – Stretch to Grow
Another trait I have observed through observing highly successful individuals is the attitude of always growing. These gifted communicators learned this craft by persisting and continuing to learn from every experience. After a meeting these people typically ask themselves how they
could have performed even better. And they stretch themselves everyday to do just a little better than the day before. Make a list of those situations in your life where you find it difficult to communicate at your best. Pick one to work on. Now brainstorm: What is holding you back?What skills do you need to learn? Who can I learn from? Then act on the possible solutions and keep adjusting your approach until you achieve your goal of communicating with charisma in these situations. Adopt this attitude of stretching and improving even a little each day and before long you will be a masterful communicator.
Step 7 – Join The Top 3% of Humanity
It’s shocking when you learn the difference between those who get what they want in life and everyone else. There is a relatively small group of people who seem to have all the luck. They drive luxury cars, live in huge homes, have great relationships and succeed at virtually everything they do. How do they do it? Well it’s not because of luck unless you believe that luck is due to preparation and an eye for spotting and seizing opportunities. The top 3% of humanity commit to self-development. They invest in books, courses and seminars to develop their skills
and abilities. They then go one step further and apply what they learn. Although it sounds crazy most people do not apply what they learn and not surprisingly most people live unsatisfying lives. Finally, the top 3% don’t waste time. They use the same 24 hours you have each day to get
things done. They don’t waste hours watching TV. These people are more likely to be producing TV entertainment or selling their products on TV than to be sitting at home vegetating in front of the box in the corner. You want superior communication skills? Are you prepared to do what the
top 3% do? When I first learned the powerful communication skills I now use daily I was impressed by the material I was absorbing in seminars. So was every one else! What made me different was the fact that after a long seminar I would spend the evening going over my notes and studying the material. I then spent at least one hour each day using my new skills until I had mastered the material. My communication skills grew very quickly and my confidence soared. I found it much, much easier to make conversation even when meeting new people. I doubled my salary in a matter of months. You can develop exceptional people skills and enjoy feeling deeply
appreciated and respected by others. Are you prepared to work at it? The choice is yours!
Step 8 – Beyond Wanting Approval
What is the source of that charismatic glow that some people have? Why does it radiate so strongly? When you do not want or need the approval of the people you are talking to your entire communication takes on a different and more energetic quality. And that’s the secret! Let
go of wanting the approval of other people and ironically you will tend to get that very approval.
Why is this? Quite simply people tend to take things at face value. If you have a conviction that you are correct about something others will assume you are right unless additional information proves otherwise. The same applies to approval. If you do not need approval you do not give off
the feeling that you lack approval. This encourages your listener to follow your lead and believe that you ought to be approved of. On the other hand when someone desperately needs your approval you can sense their neediness and see the craving in their eyes. This wanting approval
prevents the person from having confidence. A sound strange doesn’t it? Think of a time when you were fired up about an idea and you spoke with real conviction and passion about it. Think of a time when you did this with real confidence. In that moment isn’t it true that getting people to agree with you did not matter that much? Unknowingly you had stumbled onto a secret to charisma. The only challenge is that you don’t know how to get back into this state whenever you want to.
Step 9 – Be At Your Persuasive Best
Charisma is that aura that some people have that makes you receptive to what they say. In other words they have a persuasive charm that causes people to take action based on what they suggest. Would like to be more persuasive? Would it help you to enlist the help of your coworkers when you need to get things done? Do you want your family to pay more attention to your needs? The best communicators in the workplace do not rely solely on their position to get people to take action. They understand the importance of mastering persuasion skills to create an environment where staff willingly work hard to achieve results. How can you become
persuasive today? Pick a topic you will be discussing in an upcoming meeting. Next, pick holes in your argument and leave no stone unturned in looking to destroy your position. Now that you have a big list of potential objections to your message brainstorm at least three answers to each
objection. Once you have done this it is time to mentally rehearse how you will respond to these objections in the actual meeting. In your imagination hear someone running through these objections one at a time. For each objection hear yourself confidently and congruently responding. Reply with the three answers you prepared for each objection. Why? To cover all
angles and to build an inner confidence that only comes from thorough preparation. When you have a great answer to every likely objection you will be ready to deliver a very compelling message. You can apply the same principles to your family life when you want others to do more
of their share of chores!
Step 10 – Focus is the Fuel of Communication Confidence
To talk with confidence you absolutely must remain focused on your goals despite any problems you currently face. You cannot afford to worry about other things when you are talking. If you let your mind wander you will dilute the impact of your words. You need millionaire focus! Let me explain with this example based on a true story.. Barry was on the phone in his office, speaking with confidence, energy and passion. In his office were a number of removal men working quickly moving furniture out the door to the van parked outside. Before long the office was bare except for some old files, a cracked picture frame and a parched plant.
Just then a tall man in a dark suit entered the building with a swagger. He found Barry still on the phone, standing in a corner of the empty office. His voice echoed around the empty room as he finished his conversation and hung up and placed the phone back on the floor. Barry reached into his pocket to find his key ring, he selected the car key and reluctantly handed it over. The man in the suit grabbed it before walking outside and driving off at high speed in the luxury car. John walked in to see Barry just as all of this was happening. He was surprised at how relaxed and confident Barry was given the circumstances. You see, Barry had just lost his business and
the removal men had arrived to repossess his furniture while the car leasing company had taken back the Rolls Royce because the payments had fallen into arrears. John was here for the same reason – to collect an unpaid debt. Although it was clear now that there was little chance of getting any money. So John and Barry did a deal. If Barry would teach him how he could be so cool in the face of pressure than the debt would be regarded as paid. This is what Barry said to him: The big secret in life is to train your mind to think only about what you want to happen and to keep your thoughts off of what you do not want. Despite the fact that I have just lost my
business, my car, and my office I just got off the phone, before it gets disconnected, after negotiating what could be one of my biggest deals ever. Always keep your mind picturing what you really want and THINK ABOUT WHERE YOU WANT TO BE and not where you are. Stress is
what happens when you put your attention on the wrong things.
Most people live life in a trance without noticing the thoughts that are flying around inside their heads all day long. Spend more time each day spotting what you think about, you will likely find that you often run through all the things that could go wrong as well as seeing situations
working out only moderately well. Next, review a recent event where the pressure was on and you froze. How did you manage to put yourself in such an unresourceful state? What thoughts were going through your mind? More than likely you created big pictures in your mind of things
going wrong. Get into the habit of expecting things to work out and you will find yourself picturing life running more smoothly. You will then feel more confident, people will respond to you differently and you will get better results. Before long you will see that it is a self-fulfilling
prophecy. Decide who you want to talk to, be clear about the purpose of your communication and hold that outcome in mind. When you have a clear sense of direction it will guide you when you make conversation. All great communicators have an all-consuming passion that drives
them. It energizes them and this contributes to the glow that makes them seem so alive and dynamic. Focus is essential if you are to exude a confidence that positively influences other people. You can join them when you start applying the insights in this report. Start with the 10
principles in this document and notice how quickly and easily you transform your ability to make great conversation – even when dealing with people who used to make you feel intimidated and
unsure of what to say.

Conversational hypnosis for Beginners with Examples

What Is conversational Hypnosis?
To understand about conversational hypnosis you have to first understand what hypnosis is and learn about ‘Trance’.
People drop into trance many times everyday, Whenever they read a novel and are pulled into a riveting plot, when they become enthralled while watching a movie, etc. You yourself may have experienced Trance when you are driving home from work in your car, and as you begin
parking at your destination, you realize that you don’t recall driving the last few miles.
Your unconscious mind handled all the driving while you were thinking about something else. All these are examples of different forms of trance.
Hypnosis is just a process of artificially inducing a trance state in the listener so that they will listen and follow your
suggestions more readily.(Basically a hypnotist is bypassing  the subject’s Consious mind which may be resisting their suggestions and directly impregnating their idea or solution  in their subject’s subconcious mind )

Process to do hypnosis/Steps in conversational hypnosis
A
Attention:Absorb your subject’s attention; focus their attention. You need to pull it and draw it in to the hypnotic.
B
Bypass:Bypass the Critical Factor (and Bypass the regular conscious mindsets)
Bypass the little voice inside their head that says’Oh that won’t work”
Bypass habitual patterns to allow new patterns to be installed
– Stimulate the Unconscious Mind
Recruit their unconscious mind to perform actual change work.
Change work can be anything you wanted the other person to experience.You can make them feel great by saying good things or feel depressed by saying not so good things.

So what is conversation hypnosis and How this conversation hypnosis work?
My personal expectation from conversation hypnosis is….The ability to change the Mental State of the listener through the course of a conversation.I may be wrong.It may be just a subset of what i can really
do with conversation hypnosis…it may be just the tip of the iceberg…or just the cherry on Top of the cake….But all i want from learning Conversation Hypnosis is the ability to change the Mental State of the listener by just talking to them.
Lets face the following Real life scenarios:-
a.You are going in to the Boss cabin for asking a raise or for a salary appraisal but he is in a bad mood.May be he had a fight with his wife before coming to office that day.It’s common sense that if you ask for a promotion you are not going to get it.But…
What if you can talk with him with your conversation you can get him in to a lighter mood first?
That will raise the Probablity of getting a higher salary multiple times right?
b.Your wife is shopping.She is so excited and is about to buy things that are a luxury for your current economic state of your family.
What if you can bring her excitement down to a couple of notches towards reality,by talking with her,so that she realizes that the stuff she was about to buy was not a necessity.And she would think it was all her idea and appreciate herself for her selfcontrol.
Now,How much money did you just save with your conversation skills?

Conversation hypnosis in Movies:
My favorite example of conversation hypnosis in a movie is Below.It is from a Brad Pitt Movie called ‘Money Ball’
Brad Pit is a Baseball Team GM .He is disappointed with the little amount of money allocated by Scott the owner of the Team for him to spend on his Team to make it win.He enters Scott’s office and complains that bigger Teams spend 80 Millions for their Teams success and how he is expected to
compete and make his team win with a few millions.
The following is the modified script of what the Boss-The owner of the team says to Brad Pitt.
SCHOTT Says….
We’re a small market team. You’re a small
market GM. And I’m asking you to be okay
with not spending money I don’t have. And
I’m asking you to take a breath and sit
back and relax. And then I’m asking you to
get back in a room with your people and
figure out how you’re going to do the task
with the money I do have.
As he says that you can see Brad Pitt taking a deep Breath and leans back and he seems to feel relaxed.That’s
an example of the Use of conversational hypnosis.
Golden Nugget #1:
When someone comes to you with a problem, it only means they have forgotten where the right resource is which will help them solve the problem. When you find the resources they need and attach them to the problem, the problem vanishes. Approximately 85% of the time, this process will make the problem easily dissolve and go away.

Conversational Hypnosis Techniques with Practical examples in Real Life

  • You take it in silently when your nosy Coworker tries to dominate you and acts as if he is your Boss. You convince yourself that staying silent is the wise thing to do in that situation.
  • You wonder why random Strangers you meet outdoors in Streets,supermarkets and malls etc.. Stare at you ,intrude in to your personal space,cut before you in queues ,or just act rude around you …
  • You feel you are invisible to others in social situations and during conversations people focus on talking with those accompanying you but they completely ignore you and you end up feeling self conscious about what you are doing there and you start to plan how to get out of there.
  • You are anxious about meeting new People or having conversations with People.You think people will judge you.You run out of things to say and end up in awkward silences.You think your communication skill sucks.

Yet..you have always wanted to…

  • Have the subtle language skills to make that Coworker leave you alone and make him run with his tail between his legs.
  • Get Respect and friendly vibes from People that you meet in public places.Make Bartenders, receptionists,waiters and other Clerical people treat you like a VIP while leaving others to wait till they finish giving you their undivided attention.
  • Make the opposite sex want to approach you and start conversations with you.
  • And when you finally talk back to them, you can make them laugh and let them feel what you want them to feel, and lead them in to a deep trance by giving them the experience of their lifetime… all in the course of a normal conversation.
  • And many more…
Conversational Hypnosis Techniques
Conversational Hypnosis Techniques

You may have personally known or seen someone who can instantly befriend anyone and talk their way in to and out of any situation you can imagine.They are the naturals and they have developed their people skills over a period of their lifetime watching and learning from successful and influential people they are growing around with.And then there are People like me,The Testers,who are not genetically blessed with influential parents and had to learn everything from scratch from self Help stuff. It requires a lot of time and money to test and find out which techniques work  in the real world and which ones don’t.

Problem is most Self Help methods that actually work in real life come with a very high price tag in the form of  boot-camps and Private seminars organized for rich clients like Businessmen and corporate executives .And even in these courses they add a lot of useless advice and techniques that will distract you.

Technically what separates ‘What you are now’ from ‘The Person you want to become’ is just the knowledge of a handful of skills and techniques and a series of steps you need to take.And some Time.

Get access to my Personal Notes i wrote in my Journey to as i transformed myself  from a shy teen to someone with the forbidden People skills. Some of these are derived from Underground Seminars on Dating ,Psychology,NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) and Conversational Hypnosis that are meant for the elite few.These are shared by me and some of our members/Moderators who had the Time and money and passion to spend on these seminars.

What if you get to access to the techniques and experiences of People who are trying to attain similar goals like yours? How fun it would be to Interact and learn from them and put those techniques in your real life and make it work for you?

What if you have a Personal coach who would initiate you in just the needed People skills that you need to know to achieve your Goal?

The Good news is you can acquire the knowledge you need to develop the People skills you want from the courses and guides in the internet.Some are Free and some are paid Products.But the issue is there are a lot of useless advice and techniques floating around that will distract you and waste years of your time and money before you finally find your way to your Goal.

It took us seven years.We were a group of people each with a different goal towards self Development.Some had the money to spend to Attend Underground Seminars on Dating ,Psychology,NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) and Conversational Hypnosis that are meant for the elite few and they shared their knowledge with us.Some contributed by putting the knowledge in to practice in the real world and sharing field reports with us.We functioned like a well oiled machinery but still it took seven years because there is so much myths and useless junk floating around before you can lay your hands on that ‘Golden nugget’ of information that really works in the Real world out there.

Every columbus doesn’t have to discover america.We give you the map.

Obsession phrases -The Language of Desire- With Real life Examples

Obsession Phrases-The language of Desires or LOD  is a hot Product targeting the ‘women dating men’ Market written by the well known author Kelsey diamond but in reality a different set of Obsession Phrases do exist that can be used by men over women.Personally,i think ‘Obsession Phrases’ is a fancy name given to the old SpeedSeduction techniques authored by Ross Jeffries but no harm in drinking old wine in new bottle.The first impression anyone reading his sales page will get is that by saying some magical phrases women can get the power to influence men to fall in love and literally fall at their feet and live by their feet forever.If you ask me if obsession phrases work in real life then my short answer would be Yes,it is Real and Obsession phases do work in real life.However if someone imagines that by learning and saying a few magic words they can make a man or woman fall in love or get obsessed over them then i have bad news for them-It doesn’t work that way-Not that Easy.Obsession phrases can be made to work in real life but that requires a lot of practice and patience and trial and error before you finally see it work like a magic.The good news is that if you are ready to put in the effort and go through the Learning curve success is almost inevitable for you.

What are obsession Phrases and how and why do they work?

‘Obsession phrases-The language of Desire’ is a system that is just a small subset of Conversational Hypnosis.In simple terms…Have you ever been turned on suddenly while reading a romantic story on a book? Have you ever listened to some lyrics of a love song and felt strong emotions take you over? Like power words and phrases,There are some phrases that can trigger a state of sexual arousal in men who listen to them when said in a certain way.Some phrases are explicit while some are just plain and covert but yet they all work in achieving the objective of getting the man obsessed over the women that turns them on with it.When a women says the ‘Right’ word at the ‘right’ time  a chemical process is initiated in the man’s mind which can make him find the women ten twenty times more attractive than she is.

Have you ever met couples where one of the partner is smoking hot and attractive and intelligent while the other one looked plain and dull in comparison that left you wondering how they managed to keep the other one in his or her hook? Well,the secret is that the seemingly dull partner is having a secret trump card – The art of  communication,  when it comes to creating relationships that can last a lifetime.Accepting the influential power of words provides you both extreme capability and also extreme responsibility .Knowing what to say;when to say; and how to say
correctly and will get you everything you wanted, but neglect the
vital signs and you’ll be left sitting out in the cold in no time.

Kelsey diamond the author of ‘Obsession Phrases-The language of Desires or LOD’ starts his book with a personal story of his lady friend who is very attractive and having a successful carrier.She was in a ‘happy’ relationship with her boyfriend when her suddenly left her for another women who is not even half good in her looks and money.Women need to  understand that everything they say to a man can have massive effects in his mind even though it may not elicit any physical reaction in his face.

Chapter 1 – Understanding the Male Mental Theater.

In this chapter the author Kelsey diamond explains in detail the psychology of the Men and how special words get his mind to imagine and experience pain,pleasure and fear when a woman says it to him in the right way.Also when a woman knows to hit a man’s desire buttons with her words she is literally having him in her leash for the rest of her lifetime.He lists the Male Desire buttons and how women can bring his male mental theater to life ,with her words,that he will never consider leaving her for another woman for the fear of losing all the fun he is having with you.

Chapter 2 – The Big Secret of Obsession Phrases.

Personally this is the chapter where the real action starts to unfold and all the theory he was talking about up to this point suddenly seemed to make sense.Okay if you haven’t got a clear idea of what obsession phrases are all about you will get to have your ‘Wow!’ moments when you read the following example.

Let’s say a woman likes her man and she communicates it in words…what would she say.

‘I like you’ or ‘Like you so much’ or ‘i like you John’.

You think these words are enough to make him paint a vivid picture in his mind and get him excited and get his emotions stirred? May be if he is a teenager but if he is not you need to do much better than that.

How about…’I like the way you hold hands with me while watching horror movies in our couch.Somehow i feel more romantic and safe and happy.’

I bet you can do better than me,but you got the idea right?

Always Keep him Guessing:

The moment a man feels that a women is fully under his control and she would be there to serve his needs anytime he wants is the moment he will start losing interest in that women.The author Kelsey diamond seems to have understood this and that’s why he has advised women to have an outcome of ‘always keeping the man Guessing’ in her conversation with a man.So instead of saying ‘You are the best date i ever had’ and end up giving yourself in a platter to him you can say ‘I have had some good days before but i would remember the time spent with you today more than any other’. Now what the above statement does is to allow him go deeper inside his mind and ask questions which he himself tries to answer.He may question himself ‘What are the ‘Good days’ she is talking about?What else i can do to make it more unforgettable for her? and try to answer himself like ‘May be she is referring to the Good times  she had with her female friends’.

Make him Anticipate:

Ever watched Soap Operas where there is always some suspense near the end of the show that made you watch the show the next day,in anticipation,to know what happened?

Use the same technique and when you are about to end the date you tell him ‘I have to go now since i am tired.But i noticed somethings about you that i want to tell you later’. When he goes to his home and sits in his couch he will be anticipating what are the things you are talking about.He will call you and fix another date,in anticipation,just to know what you think about him.

Sleight of the Mouth examples-Conversation Tactics

In our daily lives…everyone of us  would  be put in situations where  a bossy Coworker or a nosy person is trying to dominate us in a conversation. In such situations we  may go blank …wondering whether to respond to them  or to move on  without confronting their statements.

The Problem with just ignoring these kind of people without confronting them by giving them a fitting reply is….They will come back at you stronger and stronger and start dominating you more and more. The only way to stop them is by giving them a fitting reply, that will make them wonder what hit them. When you have that kind of skill you will be confident in all social situations, knowing very well that you can handle any verbal challenge.

What is Sleight of Mouth?

Sleight of Mouth is a persuasion skill, a vehicle for the re-framing of beliefs. It is a system of 14 different patterns of response to a stated belief or statement. A system that, once mastered, can allow you to always have a response that will effectively elucidate your position and help you to persuade rather than be persuaded. Simply put, it will help you win any argument, be verbally powerful and powerfully verbal.

We all enjoy the nice come back punch dialogue that the hero delivers to the insulting villain’s remark.What if we can deliver that kind of Come back lines in our real life? The Sleight of Mouth Patterns will let you do that exactly!

What Will Sleight of Mouth Do For you?

Part of the power of Sleight of Mouth is that it gives you more choices and flexibility of possible responses. You will never be at a loss for something to say. And with 14 different possible responses, odds are good that what you say will stop your adversary right in his tracks.

How to use the ‘Sleight of Mouth’ Patterns:

The real challenge or Fun of learning the slight of Mouth patterns is to come up with your own examples that you can apply in your own life situations.In real life there are millions of things a person can say to you and we cannot cover the response for each and every insulting remark.But what we can do is give a example situation and statement and the fourteen types of comeback Responses you can give for that statement. You are expected to use the example as a model and come up with your Responses to use in your real life.

So Following is the situation:

You have arrived a little late to office and your boss didn’t seem to mind it. But the nosy coworker who has got no business to monitor you says something insulting like…

“You’re being late and it shows you don’t care about the job.”

There are 14 different responses you can come up with in this scenario:

  1. Reality strategy:

The Reality strategy Challenges the belief, based on the fact that beliefs arise from certain assumptions. Probe how they know that their belief is true and how they came to the conclusion.

The following are some of the responses you can come up using the Reality strategy pattern:

How do you know lateness and caring are the same thing?

I’m not sure how it is you have drawn that conclusion. Maybe the boss told that to you when you came late yesterday… How would you know if it wasn’t true?

What we are doing here is…instead of going blank or getting angry we asked them back a question…..and now they are the one going deep inside to find the answer to what we asked.

  1. Model of the world:

Model of the World,argues that the other person is making a assertion as a metaphor for something else.

Some people believe caring is shown by quality of the job done and the results obtained.

  1. Counter example:

Counter example uses exceptions where their statement would not be True- which weakens  the belief of the original statement.

We all know people who are always on time and yet are goof-offs once they get here.

  1. Intent:

This pattern highlights the original intent.

My intention is not to be late or uncaring but to give the company the best quality time and highest productivity while I’m here.

  1. Redefine:

Redefine the problem.

I wasn’t late, I was delayed in traffic.

The issue is not my being late but how much work I can accomplish today before the end of the day.

  1. Chunking up:

Chunking up is generalizing the whole thing to challenge the belief of the other person.

Are you saying the most important aspect of my job is showing up on time?

  1. Chunking down:

Chunking down breaks down the statement of the other person to smaller elements, then pick up any particular element and start attacking it.

How specifically are lateness and not caring the same thing?

  1. Metaphor or analogy:

Instead of replying to the question use a metaphor or analogy to challenge the belief and make a comeback statement.

If a surgeon is late for dinner because he is saving a life, does that mean he doesn’t care about his wife’s cooking?

  1. Another outcome:

Another outcome offers a alternate which challenges the statement of the other person. Switch the other’s attention from their original outcome to another.

The real question isn’t whether I’m late or I’m caring. The real question is how much I’m producing for the company.

  1. Consequence:

Consequence challenges the statement of the other person by highlighting a consequence of what would happen if the other person’s belief is followed.

If I wasn’t late I wouldn’t have been able to close the sale while I was at a breakfast meeting.

  1. Hierarchy of Criteria:

Challenge the belief based on more important criteria ,suggesting something more important is there to consider

Isn’t it more important to focus on how much the person gives while on the job rather than punctuality?

  1. Apply to self:

Apply to self,turns their belief/statement back on them-either by implying that the consequences they suggest to be  applicable to you is actually also applicable to them.

If you are concerned about the company you would not have told me this late.

I will like to give another example for this pattern. In a heated argument you say somethings and the other person says…

Other Person: Saying mean things means you are a bad person.

You:   It is too bad you said that.It’s a mean thing to say to a collegue.

  1. Changing frame size:

This pattern extends the implication of the belief to a larger(or smaller)scale,or to a longer(or shorter) time frame.

Over time, you’ll see I brought in more business in a timely fashion for the company than all of the people who showed up to work on time.

  1. Meta frame:

Meta frame challenges the basis behind the belief/statement instead of challenging the statement.

Lots of progressive companies are working with flex time for their high producers. I thought you were a forward thinking person.

Now imagine the power of having ALL these patterns at your fingertips for every single objection you are likely to encounter in every single situation.

You may understand some of the sleight of mouth patterns…find some helpful and usable….don’t have a clue about some of the other patterns…But,That’s okay. You don’t need all of them. If you can pick up just one or Two sleight of the mouth patterns and apply it in your real life, that’s all you need. Because,Some of the smart mouths in the real world just use one or two of the patterns.

Good Luck Practicing the Sleight of mouth patterns in the real world out there.

Conversational hypnosis language patterns -Practical Examples for use in real Life

What Is Hypnosis?

To know about hypnosis you have to first learn what a ‘Trance’ is.

People drop into trance many times everyday, Whenever they are pulled into a riveting novel, when they become enthralled while watching a movie, etc. You have likely had an experience when you are driving home from work in your car, and as you enter your home and sink in to your favorite couch, you realize that you don’t recall driving the last five miles.
Your unconscious handled the driving while you were thinking about something else. All these are examples of different forms of trance.

Hypnosis is artificially inducing a trance state in the listener so that they will listen and follow your suggestions more readily.(Since you are bypassing their Consious mind which may be resisting your suggestions)
Process to do hypnosis/Steps in hypnosis

– Attention:Absorb your subject’s attention; focus their attention. You need to pull it and draw it in to the hypnotic.

– Bypass the Critical Factor (and Bypass the regular conscious mindsets)
Bypass the little voice inside their head that says’Oh that won’t work”
Bypass habitual patterns to allow new patterns to be installed

– Stimulate the Unconscious Mind
Recruit their unconscious mind to perform actual change work.
Change work can be anything you wanted the other person to experience.You can make them feel great by saying good things or feel depressed by saying not so good things.

So what is conversation hypnosis and How this conversation hypnosis work?

My personal expectation from conversation hypnosis is….The ability to change the Mental State of the listener through the course of a conversation.I may be wrong.It may be just a subset of what i can really do with conversation hypnosis…it may be just the tip of the iceberg…or just the cherry on Top of the cake….But all i want from learning Conversation Hypnosis is the ability to
change the Mental State of the listener by just talking to them.

Lets face the following cases:-

a.You are going in to the Boss cabin for asking a raise or for a salary appraisal but he is in a bad mood.May be he had a fight with his wife before comming to office that day.

What if you can talk with him normally and can get him in to a lighter mood first?
Say something that will raise the Probability of getting a higher salary multiple times right?

Here is another Real life scenario…

b.Your wife is shopping.She is so excited and is about to buy things that are a luxury for your current economic state of your family.

What if you can bring her excitement down to a couple of notches towards reality,by talking with her,so that she realises that the stuff she was about to buy was not a necessity.And it was all her idea.

How much money did you just save with your conversation skills?

Conversation hypnosis in Movies:

My favorite example of conversation hypnosis in a movie is Below.It is from a Brad Pitt Movie called ‘Money Ball’.Brad Pit is a Baseball Team GM .He is disappointed with the little amount of money allocated by Scott the owner of the Team for him to spend on his Team to make it win.He enters Scott’s office and complains that bigger Teams spend 80 Millions for their Teams success and how he is expected to compete and make his team win with a few millions.

The following is the modified script of what the Boss-The owner of the team says to Brad Pitt.

SCOTT Says….
We’re a small market team. You’re a small market GM. And I’m asking you to be okay with not spending money I don’t have. And
I’m asking you to take a breath and sit back and relax. And then I’m asking you to get back in a room with your people and
figure out how you’re going to do the task with the money I do have.

And as he says that you can see Brad Pitt taking a deep Breath and leans back and his mood lightens up.That’s an example of the Use of conversational hypnosis.

Golden Nugget #1:
When someone comes to you with a problem, it only means they have forgotten where the right resource is which will help them solve the problem. When you find the resources they need and attach them to the problem, the problem vanishes. Approximately 85% of the time, this process will make the problem easily dissolve and go away.

 

How to Persuade and convince investors to invest in your ideas

If you are an entrepreneur with a good business idea but don’t have the funds then you need investor to invest in your ideas to take it off the ground. It is not enough to have a good business idea alone but you would also need to have persuasive skills to convince investors to invest in your ideas.

The skill set you need to influence a businessman is vast to cover for his article but we can show a basic framework within which we can operate to get funds.

The first thing i would come up with is the “Outcome”.The Outcome of the Meeting.
1.Outcome

Outcome: Make him Invest money in My Product.

Then i would ask myself ‘what qualities i should project to …Make him Invest money in your Product.’

Example Answers:
Prove him you have a strong moral background and ethics.(Even money minded investors will love a honest Product owner)
Prove him that there is a strong demand for that Product in the Market.
Prove that he would profit from investing.

So how am i going to prove all this to him?

With my words.In the course of my Conversation.
The key is story telling.
Let me tell that again in case you missed it the first time.The key is story telling.

So how can you tell stories to a seasoned Businessman.A bigshot Investor.

Here is how…I have to prove that there is a demand for my Product.So in the course of my conversation i
would say some thing like…
“When i was first manufacturing My dog food from my own kitchen we could not keep up with the demand
and there were some customers who were mad at us because their dogs got used to our dog food and they were
not eating other brand dog foods well.They were telling mean things like ‘If you can’t manufacture enough and
satisfy your customers why are you running a business’
That’s why we are planning to get a commercial unit to manufacture the dog food’ and we are seeking investors.”

I hope you get the Idea of story telling.
Story telling is one of the Tools of conversational hypnosis that i use in almost all scenarios of conversation.

2.Set the Frame of the Conversation
So all i am going to talk about in the conversation should be within the Frames of Proving that i am a trustworthy person
and that my product has great demand in market and that he would profit greatly by investing in it.
If you aimlessly wander in your conversation you may end up telling your weak links and the investor may get disinterested.Also you may stall in your conversation.

I should be having all the Business information and statistics ready.

3.Get Instant Rapport with the Investor.
My ‘How to make people like you instantly’gig will help you to that.

Derailing Conversations-A Dummies guide to tone policing and other Conversation tactics

Since this is a Dummies guide let’s start from the very beginning.
Define Derailing a Conversation….How do people use Derailing tactics in their conversations?
In any group conversation or group discussion there will always be sub groups of people who will align with your line of thinking and ideology and agree or like what you are saying.Most likely,there will be another sub set of people who have different perceptions and ideology and experiences than you and your support group share.They may come from a different background and they may have completely opposite experiences about the things you are talking about in your discussion.Eventually one of a person from your opposing group may get offended or feel unhappy about something you say and may interfere with your conversations.
If you ever give them an inch and let them talk they will go to any length to humiliate you in front of your sub group and make you frustrated.
Derailing_Conversations_For_Dummies
Derailing_Conversations_For_Dummies
These People use the  ‘Derailing a conversation tactics’ as a skill or Tool to put Duct tape on their opponent’s mouth and make them feel small in front of the Group.A well executed derailment can earn appreciation from the members of the opponent Sub Group also and may make the members of the speaker’s sub group consider them as their leader.
If you don’t understand parts of what i told above you will get clarity once you listen me explaining the real life scenarios where powerful people apply their new skill of ‘Derailing a conversation’ with real examples.
Scenario #1:
You are put in to a Group discussion where the candidates have to talk against or supporting a social issue.The Interviewers are seated to watch the gladiator in you getting eaten by the hungry tigers.You take the lead and start the Conversation and have some people nodding in support of your views when you hear a fierce voice interfering your train of thoughts.It’s some one from the opposing sub group who was offended by something you said or just another candidate trying to grab your job from your reach.If you don’t take the sword of ‘Derailing Conversations’ and use it on your opponent they are going to make you a spectacle and run away with your job.The Trick is to silence your opponent artfully and gracefully without inviting further uprisings from others ,else Ceaser watching over the match will be giving you a thumbs down and you may go home empty handed.
Scenario #2:
You are the Team leader and you are Suggesting your Plan of action for the Management’s Problem and one of your team member questions your Plan and is about to Pitch his own Plan.
Worst case scenario-You lose the grace of the Management and the Team member becomes your Leader.
Best case scenario-You Derailing the Conversation with Tone Policing and entertaining the Management all the while
So what is Common in all the above Real life scenarios?
There is your Opponent you have to silence and there is also a higher authority who is overseeing you.You not only have to Derail the conversation and trivialize your opponent but also have to do it subtly without letting the Management or higher authority Interfere.
By ‘Derailing a conversation’ what we mean really are ways to detract,silence,belittle, devalue ,deprecate,decry the validity of a statement by attacking the tone or person rather than the message.
Derailing or Tone Policing can be effectively done if you have higher authority and you are in the privileged group.To explain this Point let’s say you are talking with your town people about the visitors from the neighboring spoiling your town’s safety.If there is a particular person who originally came and settled from the neighboring town in the group he may get offended and may argue against your argument.In this scenario the Opponent is having lesser advantage and you are in a Prevailed position because you have the home crowd support.
Examples of derailing conversations:
Let’s say a group of male and female friends are engaged in a group discussion about feminism where the ladies are talking highly about the need for it and the men in the group talking against it.You in the group talk supporting the women and another member uses the Geek feminism technique to silence you by saying “You are supporting feminism just to impress women/score with women” .This tactic is so destructive that the very women you supported may end up giggling and trying to control their grin and you may end up feeling embarassed.

How to change the subject during a conversation and change the Topic

Often times we will be in situations where we won’t be feeling comfortable discussing some topics with some people.In such situations we may need to change the subject of the conversation away from what that makes you feel uncomfortable and towards topics that will give you a upper hand.

There are a whole lot of NLP power phrases available,which you can learn,to successfully do this in any conversation in your day to day life.Once you learn some of these and add it in your Toolkit the possibilities are Endless here…you can apply it in your Personal,Business or in your day to day conversations with strangers.We can successfully change the direction of a conversation towards the subject or topic you want it to Proceed but first you have to decide if you are going to do this the soft way or with authority.

The REDEFINE Pattern is a NLP technique that allows you change the topic of a conversation away from the topic you are not comfortable with authority and style.

The redefine pattern goes like this ‘The issue is not about ‘their subject’ but about ‘your subject’.

If you don’t understand the hang of this language pattern yet,stay with me,and you will realize the power of the REDEFINE pattern when i explain it with an example in a Business Scenario.

Scenario:
You are a Team leader and you are assigned a difficult Project that needs to be completed in the next two weeks.
You arrange a Team meeting and break this news to your team mates and they revolt saying how difficult the task is or how it is impossible to achieve in the given deadline.

Your team members are struck in a negative routine finding reasons why they cannot do the given task while you have organized this meeting to discuss how to plan this task.If you are going to say nothing your team members will eventually persuade the other members and even you to start thinking of ways to escape the task.But Luckily you know the REDEFINE pattern and know exactly what to say to steer them away from their negativity and Towards the subject that need to be addressed.

Picture this…..You stand up and say….
“The issue is not about the difficulty of this task but about how we are about to plan to complete it within the deadline,for which we all are getting paid .”

Just in case you don’t realize what you have done here
….You have closed all the doors and opened the only door to the room where you want to lock them in.Now you have indirectly suggested that the only thing that you are going to talk in this meeting is about the plans for achieving the given task and not about anything else.

Now that you have started to understand the power of the REDEFINE pattern to change the subject and direct the conversation to the topic you want to talk about.

Let’s see a variation of this technique in the sales scenario.You are a salesman and the customer is stalling from buying the product ,even though he likes it because he thinks it is overpriced.

You say….
“The Real Problem here is not that this Product is costing you a few extra bucks more but that it is exactly what you wanted for your home.”

How to haggle and bargain and lower the price

Have you ever bought a Product for a higher Price only to find out that your neighbor or Relative has bought the same Product at a much lower Price.You may get a sulking feeling right at that point of time but looking at the bright side of things,what they know is the valuable skill of haggling and the good news is you to can be a good haggler and convince anyone to lower the price while buying anything.

Lets take a real life scenario….you are interested in buying something from a seller and you have to convince them to lower the price.Wow!A really interesting way to profit from your People skills.I can think of a lot of techniques from Neuro Linguistic Programming  to Psychology that can be applied here to haggle and get the price reduced.Let’s take a step by step approach to haggling for reducing the price of things you purchase.

0.Break the internal Resistance:

Before even starting your first step in to haggling i got something.I do this every time when i am not good at something but want to become a expert on it.Most people who don’t know the value of this step will consider this as just fluff step but let me enlighten you by asking a question.

Do you know what stops you from haggling for a better deal while others are doing it?

The answer is ‘You’.You and you only are Resisting your development to become a better bargainer.It’s the voice inside your mid that has been saying things like ‘He/she won’t lower the price’ or ‘He/she can’t afford to Reduce the Price’ etc…

Now,Relax and sit back and ask yourself ‘What stops you from becoming a expert haggler or at least a better bargainer’?

You will come up with answers like ‘I am scared that the seller will get offended’ to thousand different answers based on who is asking the question.But the answer is the resistance that we are providing to ourselves from getting good at Bargaining.So lets’s say my Answer is ‘I am worried that the Sellers will say something insulting’ like ‘Get out of my shop if you don’t want to buy’ .

So i will Rationalize thus…

Will i enter his shop again if he says such a thing and whose loss is it?If you can Come up with something that will negate and Kill your Resistance then you have done this step right.

In Reality sellers will have a Benchmark Price that they will have in mind.They will first Try to sell you stuff with a higher Profit margin.But if you Prove to them that you are a lovable haggler then they normally would part with their stuff if you ask a Price that is somewhat near the Price in their mind.

1. Mindset of a haggler-The Psychology of a Bargainer

It Doesn’t mater even if you are the shyest person in the universe just for the moment picture yourself as a master haggler or put yourself in the shoes of a master bargainer.You can come back and be the shy person later but just for the moment imagine that you can talk your way in to and out of anything.And Today you are going to enjoy your experience of haggling with that seller over there and get his wares at a special price.You just Enjoy the whole Process of Haggling and bargaining not just the part where you get stuff at a steal price.

You need to have a hagglers mindset to become a haggler.You can get such mindset either by using Affirmations or by Modelling a Expert bargainer.

I have a lot to say about these two techniques of Affirmations and Modelling by i will just give a Brief intro here.

Affirmations:

Affirmation is a technique where you repeat a Positive catch phrase often to yourself and your unconscious mind starts believing what you say to be true.Often we use this same affirmation technique negatively to make us less secure.For example so many people say often to themselves ‘I am not good at xyz’ and guess what…they have really succeeded in making themselves suck at doing xyz.I guess that you can get an idea about how powerful affirmations are.Let’s frame some Affirmation phrase for our bargaining scenario now.

“I am a master Haggler and i love to haggle”

“I am becoming better and better at haggling and i love it”

“I am happy to be the expert Haggler that i am now.”

The above are just examples and you an personalize your own affirmation sentence yourself.The only rule is don’t use any negative words in your catch phrase.A good example will be “I don’t fear haggling anymore” since the presence of word fear will make you unconsciously fear.

Once you have formed your catch phrase you have to keep reminding yourself by repeating the sentence again and gain.Chant it like mad.Chant it like a Buddhist monk who chants ‘Om mani padme hum’.

Modeling:

Do you know anyone in your fiends or relatives circle who is an expert haggler?Who can bargain and get a deal even in a supermarket? If You can model their haggling behavior you will be surprised at the results you get.Modeling is just observing an expert haggler’s voice tone,body language,physiology while he or she is at their act and mimicking them while you haggle.If you cannot wrap your head around how this will help you then you can sidestep the ‘Modeling’ technique but the fact is it works,every time and always.So i would personally recommend you to try this for a few times before discarding it completely.

 

 

1.Approach.Mindset.Be like the other person so that he will like you.

2.Don’t haggle for the Price immediately.First build a Rapport.