Sleight of the Mouth examples-Conversation Tactics

In our daily lives…everyone of us  would  be put in situations where  a bossy Coworker or a nosy person is trying to dominate us in a conversation. In such situations we  may go blank …wondering whether to respond to them  or to move on  without confronting their statements.

The Problem with just ignoring these kind of people without confronting them by giving them a fitting reply is….They will come back at you stronger and stronger and start dominating you more and more. The only way to stop them is by giving them a fitting reply, that will make them wonder what hit them. When you have that kind of skill you will be confident in all social situations, knowing very well that you can handle any verbal challenge.

What is Sleight of Mouth?

Sleight of Mouth is a persuasion skill, a vehicle for the re-framing of beliefs. It is a system of 14 different patterns of response to a stated belief or statement. A system that, once mastered, can allow you to always have a response that will effectively elucidate your position and help you to persuade rather than be persuaded. Simply put, it will help you win any argument, be verbally powerful and powerfully verbal.

We all enjoy the nice come back punch dialogue that the hero delivers to the insulting villain’s remark.What if we can deliver that kind of Come back lines in our real life? The Sleight of Mouth Patterns will let you do that exactly!

What Will Sleight of Mouth Do For you?

Part of the power of Sleight of Mouth is that it gives you more choices and flexibility of possible responses. You will never be at a loss for something to say. And with 14 different possible responses, odds are good that what you say will stop your adversary right in his tracks.

How to use the ‘Sleight of Mouth’ Patterns:

The real challenge or Fun of learning the slight of Mouth patterns is to come up with your own examples that you can apply in your own life situations.In real life there are millions of things a person can say to you and we cannot cover the response for each and every insulting remark.But what we can do is give a example situation and statement and the fourteen types of comeback Responses you can give for that statement. You are expected to use the example as a model and come up with your Responses to use in your real life.

So Following is the situation:

You have arrived a little late to office and your boss didn’t seem to mind it. But the nosy coworker who has got no business to monitor you says something insulting like…

“You’re being late and it shows you don’t care about the job.”

There are 14 different responses you can come up with in this scenario:

  1. Reality strategy:

The Reality strategy Challenges the belief, based on the fact that beliefs arise from certain assumptions. Probe how they know that their belief is true and how they came to the conclusion.

The following are some of the responses you can come up using the Reality strategy pattern:

How do you know lateness and caring are the same thing?

I’m not sure how it is you have drawn that conclusion. Maybe the boss told that to you when you came late yesterday… How would you know if it wasn’t true?

What we are doing here is…instead of going blank or getting angry we asked them back a question…..and now they are the one going deep inside to find the answer to what we asked.

  1. Model of the world:

Model of the World,argues that the other person is making a assertion as a metaphor for something else.

Some people believe caring is shown by quality of the job done and the results obtained.

  1. Counter example:

Counter example uses exceptions where their statement would not be True- which weakens  the belief of the original statement.

We all know people who are always on time and yet are goof-offs once they get here.

  1. Intent:

This pattern highlights the original intent.

My intention is not to be late or uncaring but to give the company the best quality time and highest productivity while I’m here.

  1. Redefine:

Redefine the problem.

I wasn’t late, I was delayed in traffic.

The issue is not my being late but how much work I can accomplish today before the end of the day.

  1. Chunking up:

Chunking up is generalizing the whole thing to challenge the belief of the other person.

Are you saying the most important aspect of my job is showing up on time?

  1. Chunking down:

Chunking down breaks down the statement of the other person to smaller elements, then pick up any particular element and start attacking it.

How specifically are lateness and not caring the same thing?

  1. Metaphor or analogy:

Instead of replying to the question use a metaphor or analogy to challenge the belief and make a comeback statement.

If a surgeon is late for dinner because he is saving a life, does that mean he doesn’t care about his wife’s cooking?

  1. Another outcome:

Another outcome offers a alternate which challenges the statement of the other person. Switch the other’s attention from their original outcome to another.

The real question isn’t whether I’m late or I’m caring. The real question is how much I’m producing for the company.

  1. Consequence:

Consequence challenges the statement of the other person by highlighting a consequence of what would happen if the other person’s belief is followed.

If I wasn’t late I wouldn’t have been able to close the sale while I was at a breakfast meeting.

  1. Hierarchy of Criteria:

Challenge the belief based on more important criteria ,suggesting something more important is there to consider

Isn’t it more important to focus on how much the person gives while on the job rather than punctuality?

  1. Apply to self:

Apply to self,turns their belief/statement back on them-either by implying that the consequences they suggest to be  applicable to you is actually also applicable to them.

If you are concerned about the company you would not have told me this late.

I will like to give another example for this pattern. In a heated argument you say somethings and the other person says…

Other Person: Saying mean things means you are a bad person.

You:   It is too bad you said that.It’s a mean thing to say to a collegue.

  1. Changing frame size:

This pattern extends the implication of the belief to a larger(or smaller)scale,or to a longer(or shorter) time frame.

Over time, you’ll see I brought in more business in a timely fashion for the company than all of the people who showed up to work on time.

  1. Meta frame:

Meta frame challenges the basis behind the belief/statement instead of challenging the statement.

Lots of progressive companies are working with flex time for their high producers. I thought you were a forward thinking person.

Now imagine the power of having ALL these patterns at your fingertips for every single objection you are likely to encounter in every single situation.

You may understand some of the sleight of mouth patterns…find some helpful and usable….don’t have a clue about some of the other patterns…But,That’s okay. You don’t need all of them. If you can pick up just one or Two sleight of the mouth patterns and apply it in your real life, that’s all you need. Because,Some of the smart mouths in the real world just use one or two of the patterns.

Good Luck Practicing the Sleight of mouth patterns in the real world out there.

Conversational hypnosis language patterns -Practical Examples for use in real Life

What Is Hypnosis?

To know about hypnosis you have to first learn what a ‘Trance’ is.

People drop into trance many times everyday, Whenever they are pulled into a riveting novel, when they become enthralled while watching a movie, etc. You have likely had an experience when you are driving home from work in your car, and as you enter your home and sink in to your favorite couch, you realize that you don’t recall driving the last five miles.
Your unconscious handled the driving while you were thinking about something else. All these are examples of different forms of trance.

Hypnosis is artificially inducing a trance state in the listener so that they will listen and follow your suggestions more readily.(Since you are bypassing their Consious mind which may be resisting your suggestions)
Process to do hypnosis/Steps in hypnosis

– Attention:Absorb your subject’s attention; focus their attention. You need to pull it and draw it in to the hypnotic.

– Bypass the Critical Factor (and Bypass the regular conscious mindsets)
Bypass the little voice inside their head that says’Oh that won’t work”
Bypass habitual patterns to allow new patterns to be installed

– Stimulate the Unconscious Mind
Recruit their unconscious mind to perform actual change work.
Change work can be anything you wanted the other person to experience.You can make them feel great by saying good things or feel depressed by saying not so good things.

So what is conversation hypnosis and How this conversation hypnosis work?

My personal expectation from conversation hypnosis is….The ability to change the Mental State of the listener through the course of a conversation.I may be wrong.It may be just a subset of what i can really do with conversation hypnosis…it may be just the tip of the iceberg…or just the cherry on Top of the cake….But all i want from learning Conversation Hypnosis is the ability to
change the Mental State of the listener by just talking to them.

Lets face the following cases:-

a.You are going in to the Boss cabin for asking a raise or for a salary appraisal but he is in a bad mood.May be he had a fight with his wife before comming to office that day.

What if you can talk with him normally and can get him in to a lighter mood first?
Say something that will raise the Probability of getting a higher salary multiple times right?

Here is another Real life scenario…

b.Your wife is shopping.She is so excited and is about to buy things that are a luxury for your current economic state of your family.

What if you can bring her excitement down to a couple of notches towards reality,by talking with her,so that she realises that the stuff she was about to buy was not a necessity.And it was all her idea.

How much money did you just save with your conversation skills?

Conversation hypnosis in Movies:

My favorite example of conversation hypnosis in a movie is Below.It is from a Brad Pitt Movie called ‘Money Ball’.Brad Pit is a Baseball Team GM .He is disappointed with the little amount of money allocated by Scott the owner of the Team for him to spend on his Team to make it win.He enters Scott’s office and complains that bigger Teams spend 80 Millions for their Teams success and how he is expected to compete and make his team win with a few millions.

The following is the modified script of what the Boss-The owner of the team says to Brad Pitt.

SCOTT Says….
We’re a small market team. You’re a small market GM. And I’m asking you to be okay with not spending money I don’t have. And
I’m asking you to take a breath and sit back and relax. And then I’m asking you to get back in a room with your people and
figure out how you’re going to do the task with the money I do have.

And as he says that you can see Brad Pitt taking a deep Breath and leans back and his mood lightens up.That’s an example of the Use of conversational hypnosis.

Golden Nugget #1:
When someone comes to you with a problem, it only means they have forgotten where the right resource is which will help them solve the problem. When you find the resources they need and attach them to the problem, the problem vanishes. Approximately 85% of the time, this process will make the problem easily dissolve and go away.

 

How to build courage and confidence in your real life

Courage is something that everyone needs in their life to make like easy. It was considered as one of the most important virtue a Man has to posses. Most of the people in the world may have education, wealth, beauty etc.. but people with great Courage and confidence are the only ones that get a place in History. Those who are brave and Bold and courageous alone have the power to bring the masses under their influence.

If you have a glance of the World History only the name of the courageous men withstand their fame, for their Brave actions, for a long time. Hercules, Napoleon, Alexander etc.. are just a few names of courageous men who changed the flow of history.

courageous-people_with_confidence
courageous-people_with_confidence

What is Courage?

Courage is nothing but a state of mind devoid of fear and it can be achieved with the help of Positive thought. An Indian Saint Swami Vivekananda once told “You are what you think”, our inner conscious decides how to frame our life. Our thoughts have that much power to design the life of a person. If you think Good, Good things will happen in your life. If you think Bad, the same will reflect. So we should be very careful in developing our thought since our thought becomes our speech, our speech becomes our action, our action becomes character. So if we have brave thoughts, you will become courageous and confident.

For example, if you have the self image that you are strong and energetic, you will definitely be considered strong and courageous by the outer world. By contrary, if you think you are weak in a negative way, the result will be as our thinking.

Courage is nothing but overcoming fear with positive mind set.

Fear

Fear is the basic human emotion or behavior which we tend to get from Mind through our Nervous system. It a natural phenomenon and it is possible for us to avoid easily if we follow some certain set of rules/practices

Types of Fear

There are so many types of fear in this world and following is the some of them which we commonly used to see around us

if we are going to do new a new thing which was not done earlier, automatically we get afraid about that. This is the fear of new things.

We would have seen in our work place, normally most of the person get tensed or afraid to speak with their Boss or Superior

This is one type of fear i.e Fear of Superiors

In some peculiar cases, some Men hesitate to speak with Girls or women without any concrete reason.(Some Women also react the same towards men )

This is the fear of Opposite Sex

Like this, there are many fears(Phobia) in this world to overcome

Identifying Fears:

First of all, we should identify and label our inner fears.It is the first and most important step to nail your fear and become courageous.

List out the Fear:

To identify this, we have to carefully watch our own thought from the beginning of the day and should take a note for what are all the things suddenly we are afraid of.

List it down and find yourself by raising a question that whether a valid reason is available to get nervous or being afraid of.

Expose yourself to your worst fears:

The best way to overcome fear is to experience the fear by doing that thing what we were afraid of. This itself will make us stronger and bold.

Acting on the thing without delay:

If you are afraid of Boss means, Go and speak with Boss without any further delay/hesitation. The moment you complete the conversation with your Boss, you will definitely get a courage of overcoming the thing what you have earlier considered as Fear

Continuous and uninterrupted thinking

If you want to achieve a great thing then our whole mind and soul have to think about that again and again imagining that our target has been achieved successfully.

Thinking again and again about a thing in a smooth way will surely give us positive result. This is one of the ways to be courageous

Visualize

If you are participating in a Karate competition and you feel that there are many participants are more powerful than you then Imagine that you are beating and kicking your opponent hardly irrespective of how strong he/she may be (or) imagine getting Championship cup from Referee after winning the final tournament.Visualizing something like this will not do you any harm it will make you feel better and give you a better chance to succeed.This type of positive Visualization in your mind will bring you more energy and power and you will see miracles happen in your life.

Developing Confidence:

Confidence and courage is like two side of a coin. If one side is not present, obviously the coin becomes invalid .So don’t let your confidence down at any moment

The More you are Confident, the More you will succeed

If you are truly not confident means, at least try to pretend that you are confident

Meditation

Meditation is the process of controlling mind in the right path. Controlling mind requires practice and it should be done in a calm place. At the starting stage of Meditation there should not be any distraction in this process so you should choose a place which fulfills the requirement. After practicing for some time you would be able to meditate wherever you are. Closing your eyes and breathing deeply as well as slowly is the main strategy for a good meditation. While meditating we should bring in the thought for what you are afraid of and to enhance or chat yourself that you have overcome that fear and it is nothing to be afraid of anymore. Sometimes during meditation definitely negative thoughts may arise and try to conquer your mind. But we should carefully watch our thought and should concentrate on the good and positive things only.

How to Persuade and convince investors to invest in your ideas

If you are an entrepreneur with a good business idea but don’t have the funds then you need investor to invest in your ideas to take it off the ground. It is not enough to have a good business idea alone but you would also need to have persuasive skills to convince investors to invest in your ideas.

The skill set you need to influence a businessman is vast to cover for his article but we can show a basic framework within which we can operate to get funds.

The first thing i would come up with is the “Outcome”.The Outcome of the Meeting.
1.Outcome

Outcome: Make him Invest money in My Product.

Then i would ask myself ‘what qualities i should project to …Make him Invest money in your Product.’

Example Answers:
Prove him you have a strong moral background and ethics.(Even money minded investors will love a honest Product owner)
Prove him that there is a strong demand for that Product in the Market.
Prove that he would profit from investing.

So how am i going to prove all this to him?

With my words.In the course of my Conversation.
The key is story telling.
Let me tell that again in case you missed it the first time.The key is story telling.

So how can you tell stories to a seasoned Businessman.A bigshot Investor.

Here is how…I have to prove that there is a demand for my Product.So in the course of my conversation i
would say some thing like…
“When i was first manufacturing My dog food from my own kitchen we could not keep up with the demand
and there were some customers who were mad at us because their dogs got used to our dog food and they were
not eating other brand dog foods well.They were telling mean things like ‘If you can’t manufacture enough and
satisfy your customers why are you running a business’
That’s why we are planning to get a commercial unit to manufacture the dog food’ and we are seeking investors.”

I hope you get the Idea of story telling.
Story telling is one of the Tools of conversational hypnosis that i use in almost all scenarios of conversation.

2.Set the Frame of the Conversation
So all i am going to talk about in the conversation should be within the Frames of Proving that i am a trustworthy person
and that my product has great demand in market and that he would profit greatly by investing in it.
If you aimlessly wander in your conversation you may end up telling your weak links and the investor may get disinterested.Also you may stall in your conversation.

I should be having all the Business information and statistics ready.

3.Get Instant Rapport with the Investor.
My ‘How to make people like you instantly’gig will help you to that.

Derailing Conversations-A Dummies guide to tone policing and other Conversation tactics

Since this is a Dummies guide let’s start from the very beginning.
Define Derailing a Conversation….How does Derailing help you?
In any group conversation or group discussion there will always be sub groups of people who will align with your line of thinking and ideology and agree or like what you are saying.Most likely,there will be another sub set of people who have different perceptions and ideology and experiences than you and your support group share.They may come from a different background and they may have completely opposite experiences about the things you are talking about in your discussion.Eventually one of a person from your opposing group may get offended or feel unhappy about something you say and may interfere while you are talking.
If you ever give them an inch and let them talk they will go to any length to humiliate you in front of your sub group and make you eat your words.
Derailing_Conversations_For_Dummies
Derailing_Conversations_For_Dummies
If you ever get yourself in this situation ‘Derailing a conversation’ is the only skill or Tool that you are going to need to put Duct tape on your opponent’s mouth and make them feel small in front of the Group.A well executed derailment can earn appreciation from the members of the opponent Sub Group also and may make the members of your sub group consider you as their leader.
If you don’t understand parts of what i told above you will get clarity once you listen me explaining the real life scenarios where you can apply your new learnt skill of ‘Derailing a conversation’ with real examples.
Scenario #1:
You are put in to a Group discussion where the candidates have to talk against or supporting a social issue.The Interviewers are seated to watch the gladiator in you getting eaten by the hungry tigers.You take the lead and start the Conversation and have some people nodding in support of your views when you hear a fierce voice interfering your train of thoughts.It’s some one from the opposing sub group who was offended by something you said or just another candidate trying to grab your job from your reach.If you don’t take the sword of ‘Derailing Conversations’ and use it on your opponent they are going to make you a spectacle and run away with your job.The Trick is to silence your opponent artfully and gracefully without inviting further uprisings from others ,else Ceaser watching over the match will be giving you a thumbs down and you may go home empty handed.
Scenario #2:
You are the Team leader and you are Suggesting your Plan of action for the Management’s Problem and one of your team member questions your Plan and is about to Pitch his own Plan.
Worst case scenario-You lose the grace of the Management and the Team member becomes your Leader.
Best case scenario-You Derailing the Conversation with Tone Policing and entertaining the Management all the while
So what is Common in all the above Real life scenarios?
There is your Opponent you have to silence and there is also a higher authority who is overseeing you.You not only have to Derail the conversation and trivialize your opponent but also have to do it subtly without letting the Management or higher authority Interfere.
By ‘Derailing a conversation’ what we mean really are ways to detract,silence,belittle, devalue ,deprecate,decry the validity of a statement by attacking the tone or person rather than the message.
Derailing or Tone Policing can be effectively done if you have higher authority and you are in the privileged group.To explain this Point let’s say you are talking with your town people about the visitors from the neighboring spoiling your town’s safety.If there is a particular person who originally came and settled from the neighboring town in the group he may get offended and may argue against your argument.In this scenario the Opponent is having lesser advantage and you are in a Prevailed position because you have the home crowd support.

How to change the subject during a conversation and change the Topic

Often times we will be in situations where we won’t be feeling comfortable discussing some topics with some people.In such situations we may need to change the subject of the conversation away from what that makes you feel uncomfortable and towards topics that will give you a upper hand.

There are a whole lot of NLP power phrases available,which you can learn,to successfully do this in any conversation in your day to day life.Once you learn some of these and add it in your Toolkit the possibilities are Endless here…you can apply it in your Personal,Business or in your day to day conversations with strangers.We can successfully change the direction of a conversation towards the subject or topic you want it to Proceed but first you have to decide if you are going to do this the soft way or with authority.

The REDEFINE Pattern is a NLP technique that allows you change the topic of a conversation away from the topic you are not comfortable with authority and style.

The redefine pattern goes like this ‘The issue is not about ‘their subject’ but about ‘your subject’.

If you don’t understand the hang of this language pattern yet,stay with me,and you will realize the power of the REDEFINE pattern when i explain it with an example in a Business Scenario.

Scenario:
You are a Team leader and you are assigned a difficult Project that needs to be completed in the next two weeks.
You arrange a Team meeting and break this news to your team mates and they revolt saying how difficult the task is or how it is impossible to achieve in the given deadline.

Your team members are struck in a negative routine finding reasons why they cannot do the given task while you have organized this meeting to discuss how to plan this task.If you are going to say nothing your team members will eventually persuade the other members and even you to start thinking of ways to escape the task.But Luckily you know the REDEFINE pattern and know exactly what to say to steer them away from their negativity and Towards the subject that need to be addressed.

Picture this…..You stand up and say….
“The issue is not about the difficulty of this task but about how we are about to plan to complete it within the deadline,for which we all are getting paid .”

Just in case you don’t realize what you have done here
….You have closed all the doors and opened the only door to the room where you want to lock them in.Now you have indirectly suggested that the only thing that you are going to talk in this meeting is about the plans for achieving the given task and not about anything else.

Now that you have started to understand the power of the REDEFINE pattern to change the subject and direct the conversation to the topic you want to talk about.

Let’s see a variation of this technique in the sales scenario.You are a salesman and the customer is stalling from buying the product ,even though he likes it because he thinks it is overpriced.

You say….
“The Real Problem here is not that this Product is costing you a few extra bucks more but that it is exactly what you wanted for your home.”

Mirroring body language-Mirroring Definition Psychology and Practical applications in Real life

Mirroring is one of the most usable tool from Neuro linguistic Programming that can be put to use in our day to day real life situations though its usage is widely known in the dating and flirting scenarios.Mirroring is a Rapport gaining Technique.Mirroring body language creates instant Rapport between two people,even between complete strangers.

Mirroring Body Language
Mirroring Body Language

One of my clients who learned the Mirroring Technique from me Wrote back to me,as below…
I just finished reading your work and of course I’m going to read it again and again but just to make sure I understand. The only thing necessary to master this skill is to be able to catch what non verbal communication they do and mimic that and they will feel a connection with you and like you?

Mirroring Body Language
Mirroring Body Language

My Answer is…
YES.
Technically in NLP (Neuro linguistic Programming) we call this ‘Make anyone like you’ thing as RAPPORT.
Once you gain the RAPPORT with anyone they will Listen to you and continue further conversation with you with interest.
If you don’t gain initial Rapport the other person will try to end the conversation and get on with their business.
What we are doing here by mimicking their ‘nonverbal hello’ is…we are sending a message to their subconscious that you are similar to the other person.This will make them like you.

If you still wonder how this could work out…I would recommend you to Try this with people in real life….Start with ordinary people like your subordinate or waiter etc…before trying it on your boss.And,get back to with your feedback.I will help you to integrate this working technique in real life.
Never hesitate to contact me anytime.

How to write a mean letter to someone who has hurt you-Examples and Case Study

The following is the review of one the Example Review of a mean letter written by someone who is hurt by a homewrecker.The following is what i wrote back to her.

I have read ever single thing you sent me.I have just three things to correct because Your Letter is already perfect and i find it hard to find
faults

#1
You are starting your letter with accusation like below

“You don’t seem to have the Time or energy to respond to my messages? Hilarious but you have the time and energy to be a homewrecker and cheat with my man behind my back.  Here you go…We are all well aware that the man is to blame too. However, if women kept their legs and HEARTS closed to Married men then they would be unable to cheat!”

When she reads the first few lines she is going to get defensive and will not probably read the rest of the letter or she might just read it fast.To make her Read the full letter you must start the letter with the ‘Agreement frame’ or the ‘Secret Frame’

Example of how you can start with the Agreement Frame:

I read your text and i cannot help but agree with some of the things you said…
(This will feed her curiosity and make her read the whole letter hoping to find what you agree with. Actually you don’t have to agree with anything she said.It is just a ploy to make her read the whole letter,sometimes she will be reading again to find out what she missed while reading the first time.That’s the way you can make her feel weak.)

The Secret Frame is similar.Start by saying

I shouldn’t be saying these things to you and i should be keeping this as a secret but i thought it would be nice if you know these too…(She should be searching the whole letter for the secret and of course she is not going to find anything because you are not going to say anything)

#2
Your letter is good.But it lacks only one thing.A outcome.If i were writing a letter to her my outcome will be to confuse her and stop her from having a nice time with my ex.

What if i confuse her and make her argue with Peter about something he doesn’t like.He is just out of a break up and the last thing
he want is a nagging women asking him to give a committed relationship.

So i would say something like below….
“I imagined how pathetic you will feel once Peter leaves you and your  kids for another home wrecker.At that moment i felt sad…
Sad because Peter will never consider having children with low life women like you and so you will never experience the abandonment with your
kids.If you don’t believe me just take some time and watch out how things unfold between you and him… ”

Imagine after reading those lines she gives pressure to Peter to have a committed relationship.I can’t give the whole thing….but hope you get the drift.You can even change the Plot to something else if you don’t like the Kid stuff i have come up with….But have a outcome in mind while writing the letter.

#3
Your letter is too long.You need to remove unneeded paragraphs if you her to read the whole letter.

Otherwise your letter is good.I wish you good luck.

 

How to haggle and bargain and lower the price

Have you ever bought a Product for a higher Price only to find out that your neighbor or Relative has bought the same Product at a much lower Price.You may get a sulking feeling right at that point of time but looking at the bright side of things,what they know is the valuable skill of haggling and the good news is you to can be a good haggler and convince anyone to lower the price while buying anything.

Lets take a real life scenario….you are interested in buying something from a seller and you have to convince them to lower the price.Wow!A really interesting way to profit from your People skills.I can think of a lot of techniques from Neuro Linguistic Programming  to Psychology that can be applied here to haggle and get the price reduced.Let’s take a step by step approach to haggling for reducing the price of things you purchase.

0.Break the internal Resistance:

Before even starting your first step in to haggling i got something.I do this every time when i am not good at something but want to become a expert on it.Most people who don’t know the value of this step will consider this as just fluff step but let me enlighten you by asking a question.

Do you know what stops you from haggling for a better deal while others are doing it?

The answer is ‘You’.You and you only are Resisting your development to become a better bargainer.It’s the voice inside your mid that has been saying things like ‘He/she won’t lower the price’ or ‘He/she can’t afford to Reduce the Price’ etc…

Now,Relax and sit back and ask yourself ‘What stops you from becoming a expert haggler or at least a better bargainer’?

You will come up with answers like ‘I am scared that the seller will get offended’ to thousand different answers based on who is asking the question.But the answer is the resistance that we are providing to ourselves from getting good at Bargaining.So lets’s say my Answer is ‘I am worried that the Sellers will say something insulting’ like ‘Get out of my shop if you don’t want to buy’ .

So i will Rationalize thus…

Will i enter his shop again if he says such a thing and whose loss is it?If you can Come up with something that will negate and Kill your Resistance then you have done this step right.

In Reality sellers will have a Benchmark Price that they will have in mind.They will first Try to sell you stuff with a higher Profit margin.But if you Prove to them that you are a lovable haggler then they normally would part with their stuff if you ask a Price that is somewhat near the Price in their mind.

1. Mindset of a haggler-The Psychology of a Bargainer

It Doesn’t mater even if you are the shyest person in the universe just for the moment picture yourself as a master haggler or put yourself in the shoes of a master bargainer.You can come back and be the shy person later but just for the moment imagine that you can talk your way in to and out of anything.And Today you are going to enjoy your experience of haggling with that seller over there and get his wares at a special price.You just Enjoy the whole Process of Haggling and bargaining not just the part where you get stuff at a steal price.

You need to have a hagglers mindset to become a haggler.You can get such mindset either by using Affirmations or by Modelling a Expert bargainer.

I have a lot to say about these two techniques of Affirmations and Modelling by i will just give a Brief intro here.

Affirmations:

Affirmation is a technique where you repeat a Positive catch phrase often to yourself and your unconscious mind starts believing what you say to be true.Often we use this same affirmation technique negatively to make us less secure.For example so many people say often to themselves ‘I am not good at xyz’ and guess what…they have really succeeded in making themselves suck at doing xyz.I guess that you can get an idea about how powerful affirmations are.Let’s frame some Affirmation phrase for our bargaining scenario now.

“I am a master Haggler and i love to haggle”

“I am becoming better and better at haggling and i love it”

“I am happy to be the expert Haggler that i am now.”

The above are just examples and you an personalize your own affirmation sentence yourself.The only rule is don’t use any negative words in your catch phrase.A good example will be “I don’t fear haggling anymore” since the presence of word fear will make you unconsciously fear.

Once you have formed your catch phrase you have to keep reminding yourself by repeating the sentence again and gain.Chant it like mad.Chant it like a Buddhist monk who chants ‘Om mani padme hum’.

Modeling:

Do you know anyone in your fiends or relatives circle who is an expert haggler?Who can bargain and get a deal even in a supermarket? If You can model their haggling behavior you will be surprised at the results you get.Modeling is just observing an expert haggler’s voice tone,body language,physiology while he or she is at their act and mimicking them while you haggle.If you cannot wrap your head around how this will help you then you can sidestep the ‘Modeling’ technique but the fact is it works,every time and always.So i would personally recommend you to try this for a few times before discarding it completely.

 

 

1.Approach.Mindset.Be like the other person so that he will like you.

2.Don’t haggle for the Price immediately.First build a Rapport.

 

Sample confident conversation examples between a man and women

How to have the confidence to talk to people and make them continue the conversation
The number one fear that prevents people approaching another human being and have a nice conversation is not the fear of approach.It is the fear of running out of things to say in the middle of conversation.I have planned to give two examples of how a shy guy will approach the conversation with a random girl and then how a Confident Guy takes the conversation to the next level with confidence.

The following is the conversation between a girl and a not so confident shy man.

Confident Conversation examples
Confident Conversation examples

Shy guy:Nice bike.I am planning to buy this same brand for my sister.How comfortable is it to ride?
Girl:It’s fine.
Shy guy:Okay.(Thinking in mind ‘She is not talking to me’ and already exiting the conversation)

<Note:Now most shy guys stall at this point and are stuck thinking what to say next.They think the girl is uninterested and wants you to go away.
Most of the time it may not be the truth but it is just the way you read the situation.You have to consider the body language of the other person in this kind of situations.When you approach a person look if they just turn only their upper body towards you or their whole body towards you.In other words notice where their foot is pointing.If it is pointing towards you that means they are interested and okay with having the conversation with you.You can continue the conversation as long as they keep their foot pointing at the general direction you are standing.If they are responding to you by just turning their torso or upper body towards you and their foot’s big thumb is pointing some where else that mean’s they are ready to move and in that case it is best for you to let them go.>

Some of the Confident guys will still continue the conversation like below…
Confident guy:Nice bike.I am planning to buy this same brand for my sister.How comfortable is it to ride?
Girl:It’s good.
(Confident guy notices her body language.It doesn’t seem that she is ready to move away.Time to throw the next punch)
Confident guy:How long you waited after booking the bike.I heard for this model there is a 1 month wait time.
Girl:I got no idea.
<Note: Shy guys would have went home locked their door and cried at this point thinking that the girl is ignoring.But Confident guys are curious. They ask a simple question…because the only feeling they have at this time is CURIOSITY>
Confident guy: WHY?
<Note:Now she has to open up.A ‘why’ question requires a detailed answer and cannot be answered in single words.The more you get people to talk with you the more comfortable they will feel in talking with you>

Girl:Oh!I got no idea because this is my friend’s bike.I came to buy stuff for her birthday party.
Confident guy: So you must be in a party mood tonight.
<Note:Note how the smooth talker tries to change the Topic from Bike to Party mood.Shy people would have kept on talking
about the Bike for a long time and the Girl would have got bored and said sayonora already>
She: <Silence>
Confident Man: And your friend should be having a nice taste of things. She’s got the best looking bikes and friends.
<Note:Complement them.Don’t complement them openly.Complement them indirectly.This is a whole art in itself but the above complement should give you some ideas)
She: Still silent but this time smiles and blushes a bit.
Confident Man:Have you finished shopping for the party?Because i can suggest some things to buy that is a must for the party…
Girl: Hmmm.I can use some help.I have never organised a party…
<Note:And the conversation goes on and on until it ends after they turn off the lights and go to sleep.Ok that may be a little bit exaggerated but it will go on until the Confident Guy parts with her number)

Take aways from the above conversation:
1.Don’t just listen to what they say and base your decision on it.Be Aware of how they say it.Read their body language.Time your
response based on it.
2.Don’t just give up and end the conversation at the first instance of resistance.
If you are given a hand gun and asked to shoot a
bottle at a distance and your life depended on shooting it…will you quit the first time as soon as your bullet miss the target?
You have five more bullets and you will not quit till you empty all the five bullets…Right?
Then why are you holding back your bullets in a conversation?
3.Always be Curious.Confidents are Curious.You can be as good at Confidents by just being genuinely curious to know more about the other
person.
4.Always give a complement.And the complement should be indirect and discreet,at least in the beginning.
5.If the other person is a girl and you are interested in her move to Flirting as early as it is practically possible in the conversation.
6.Change the conversation topic regularly.Notice how the confident guy Started talking about bikes…then about party…then about shopping for
party etc…Otherwise the conversation will become boring.