How to handle and deal with disappointment in relationships

Why do we feel Disappointment in a relationship?

How to handle disappointment in relationships
How to handle disappointment in relationships

Disappointment is a thing which all of us don’t want to experience in our life somehow or other. What is Disappointment? It is just a feeling when you expect something and it doesn’t materialize the way you expected it to be. If you get Disappointment that means you are expecting something from others. Here I would like to explain the fact that the reason behind the disappointment is nothing but Expectation. So expect less from others. Increase your contribution instead of expecting other to do for you. If you decrease your expectation level your disappointment will also be eventually decreased. Totally shorten your expectation then naturally you don’t have to meet disappointment at all. This is the main thing you should follow in order to avoid disappointment.

Above one is one important way to avoid disappointment in your life. Now let us see the other ways how to handle disappointment in relationship in detailed manner

Understand the Reality

Always try to understand and read the reality of the situation . Let us do a casestudy.For example ,let’s say you are planning to surprise your partner by taking her outside for dinner tonight and you are returning by car from Office earlier than usual time. Remember that even you have not informed her about the plan. But when you reached home and found that your partner is not there and gone to visit her friends place without telling you. How do you feel in this situation? Definitely you will feel disappointed and you immediately call her and shout at her and express your anger over phone itself which paves the way for more misunderstandings to grow in your relationship. Here in this Particular situation you should have patience and trust for a while that your spouse will not go anywhere without informing you and that she would have a real good reason to do so. May be there must be any emergency situation for a need for your partner to be present there. No point in waiting anxiously and imagining negative thought till she returns back. Moreover you yourself have not informed her about the dinner outside and how should you expect her to inform you. Today is not the end day and you shall go for dinner tomorrow also. So this example just shows why you should not get disappointed for this simple thing and try to find the reality behind the scene.

Letting your feelings out

If your major life goal is suddenly closed you will definitely get disappointed and you may go in to a mourning stage. In this time, let your emotions out and cry. According to Medical Science, letting your emotion is healthier than suppressing it. Don’t feel ashamed to cry. Go to any private place like your bed room or bath room let your emotion out in the way of tears and cry as much as possible until you feel relaxed. Bring back your mind to the normal stage and come out.

Identify the reason

If something went wrong and you feel disappointed then try to find the root cause for the disappointment. Take a paper and write down what are all the reasons for your failure. Analyze it on all ways and find the fact. Write a note for better improvement. Think what all the possible ways for development are. After finding the failure reason, omit it and never ever do the same mistake next time. Create a better environment and move forward.

Put Continuous Effort

If you get disappointed, don’t get frustrated. Patience and calmness are the two eyes you should see through on that time for handling disappointment.  Induce Positive thinking. Imagine what all the possible ways to handle the situation are. Suppose you have some misunderstanding with your partner and you felt really sorry for that and approach her for apology. But she denies to speak with you .Really your condition will be pathetic, no? Don’t let your hope down. Do something which influences her. Try to do any one activity which she urges you to do generally at the normal time. Do small small help in her kitchen activity. This will make her to let anger out. Keep on trying until she turns to you and show the sign of smile in her face. You should do it in such a way that your softer approach towards her will make her to bring back the normal situation. Everything will be OK then if she is back to normal

Have Perspective look

Suppose your girl friend broke up with you instead of proposing, naturally you feel upset and pain. But realize that you are still bachelor and not married and have the opportunity to date many persons. Always ask yourself “Will this matter one year from now? A month? One week? Anyway you are going to be married shortly, Right? After marriage, the new person will be there to take care you and in the next few months you even better love your wife more than your girl friend. You participated in a competition and not awarded. Will this matter when you come up with pass grade in semester? You are supposed to play in Football finals and you are injured right now which is unfortunate, but you can play next year. Often asking this type of questions in your mind relieve you and help you to come out from the disappointment

Don’t let your mind to fill with small small rubbish things and all. Be clear and have positive approach always .

Utilizing the existing opportunity

Let us consider that you have applied for a famous top rated college in the city and it is your long time dream to study in. It’s a terrible news when you come to know that you didn’t get an admission. But you can still continue the studies and you have the opportunity to go to second choice college. You can even score good marks here and try to have university first degree in this college and join your college of your dreams for a Post graduate study. Always try to utilize the given opportunity and don’t feel and sulk about the unavailable one. Make your mind to accept and embrace the available opportunity.

Same will be the case if you attended an interview very well and expecting a job from a esteemed big organization that didn’t come through. Don’t get disappointed. May be lots and lots of opportunities are waiting outside to fulfill your desire and don’t get tensed for the chance you didn’t get. May be that opens the door to apply for other job that you really don’t expect which one may be really good than the previous company

Learn from Mistake and Accept

For instance, you are received a divorce notice from your partner for a legal break-up. Surely you feel bad for the situation. First, try to explain her and make her feel comfort. Always be true with your partner.  Ask her not to take hasty decisions. Know the reason from her which makes her to issue the notice .Avoid those mistakes and correct yourself. Explain her what happened is happened and Promise her for not doing the same mistake again hereafter and start for the new Happier life.

Comparing with the worst

Be grateful and thankful for what you are having presently. Don’t care about the lost one. You will note that there are lot more good things in your life than bad. Thank God for that. Compare your  disappointment with the real worst affected persons like those who lost their home to fire, lost their lives in flood, lost leg or hand in Accident. If you do this you get a clear picture nothing this bad has ever happened to you.  Now you may feel that you are in a better situation than most others.

Spend time with Family and friends:

Moving out with your Mom or your best buddy will make you feel better and recover from the disappointment you had. Seek her advice. Discuss with someone how they handled the same problem if they have been in similar situation before. Listen to good music. Music will help to heal the wound.

Read some inspirational books and underline the sentence what you like the most. Get inspired on reading. Read optimistic books which inspires you. Take a long walk .

Disappointment is an emotion which occurs when what you want to happen doesn’t happen. Keep that in mind.

Keep hope alive. Keeping hope alive is the success mantra for happier life. Stay optimistic. Keep things positive and all of the good things will happen automatically

How to change your drinking habit and stop negative thoughts

Most people start to develop the habit of drinking alcohol in their teen.Drinking is a habit which starts in their life as a fun thing to do with friends to socialize but on continuous usage it ruins their life completely . These days we come across many people who become addict to this habit and most of them start feeling guilty for not able to overcome this habit. Even celebrities have lost their life and carrier to this bad habit.

By the end of this session, you will definitely have confidence to at least take the initial steps  to overcome this habit.

Change Drinking Habits
Change Drinking Habits

Beginning stage of drinking:Typically a person starts to drink either in parties just for fun or due to the compulsion of friends. Those who don’t give in to friends compulsion to drink or to social pressure are the blessed ones and they are the strong minded people. This article is only for the remaining people  who wants to quit this habit and have tried everything but failed.

Basic step-Have Real faith:If you have decided to quit the drinking habit it means that you have already taken the first step towards a  happier and healthier life. But be cautious the step you have taken should go forward only and in any situation you should not take a backward step. For this, you should have strong faith/ belief in your inner conscious. The not so good news is that getting confidence at initial stage is somewhat hard . But it is 100 % possible if we undergo some continuous training. To get this confidence, everyday while getting up from the bed, you have to tell yourself that I have planned to stop drinking habit and May God give power and ability not to touch alcohol at least for today at any cost. This is simple but very powerful technique to avoid alcohol. By keeping on avoiding on a day by day process at a certain stage you yourself will be surprised that you have been away from that habit for  a long period.

Mindset for quitting:We can see most of the people who have started practicing quitting drinking habit will abandon their resolution at the beginning stage itself due to their incorrect thinking of what their friends will think about them. Don’t let others to decide your life. You live your own life. No one has rights to interfere in your life and it is you who have full ability to shape your life happier. Don’t worry about your friends and  particularly drinking companions who make fun of you. Let them criticize but think that ultimately you are going to benefit truly rather than them .

Doctors Advice:A Moderate drinker shall quit drinking habit even without consulting the doctor. But if you have the following symptoms it is better to consult a doctor for counseling

  • No concentration at work
  • Getting tensed for small small things also
  • Postponing important things to do and instead spending that time in drinking
  • Fast Heart Beat
  • Frequent sweating
  •  Anxiety
  • Unwanted and Frequent quarrel with Friends, Family & with co-workers
  • Less interest for other activities except drinking
  • Not feeling hungry

It is advisable and better to recover with the help of Medical assistance for the described cases.Never think that you are doing this alone, there are plenty of people around you like your spouse, parents, good friends, well wishers and Medical team want to help you.

Quitting Attitude:Don’t plan to hide your quitting idea to others. There is nothing shame on this. You are not going to give up a good friend or cheating others. Instead you yourself shape your own life with good things. You can openly and strongly let the world to know that you are in the liquor quitting process . This open announcement itself changes the thought about you for some good reasons. So be open to others.

A Friend’s Story Indeed:Here I would like to tell about one of my newly married Friend’s story whose life was totally affected by drinking habit and how he overcame after lot of struggles.Unlike others he also used to start that habit occasionally in parties or with friends once in a month or week. Life went smoothly while it was under his control and the problem started whenever he exceeds the limit.

Due to that he used to quarrel daily  with his wife over small things and so there was no opportunity  for them to mutually understand others.

On the other hand at work place, the habit had made him not to reach Office at time, not possible to concentrate at work, not allowing to finish the job on time etc. Further the alcohol smell which came from him made the coworkers feel disgusted and it forced them to complaint about him to management.

So with all these black marks against him the Management decided to take action against him and fire him from service. The pressure about the suspension from duty and this jobless situation gradually paved the way for him to drink more .(since he had plenty of time)

Note: Here I insist that before he was accustomed to drinking habit he was such a nice person, very prompt on his duty , cared for his family and friends, organized & Participated in all social activities and public functions etc.

In the mean time his wife was conceived and it was about time to give birth to the baby.

Not even carrying about her pregnancy his alcoholic addiction made him to continue  his quarrel till delivery. This situation affected both her body and mind and as a result of this she was not able to give birth to the baby and the fetus expired in her womb itself prior to delivery.

After sometime due to the lack of proper understanding he was separated from his wife also legally.

He lost his life, career, reputation, social status, wife and his child.

At this point of time you should think over it about the reason behind all these problems in his life?

Just because of alcohol.

So you should get rid of that enemy from your life which ruins all your pleasure.

Days gone and due to the effort of his well wishers he is alright now and leads the life without alcohol .Am very happy about his recovery and he is very much better than his earlier life and very well settled also.

Returning to the article, lets continue our ways to quit drinking habit

Have Food Often

Whenever you have drinking thought, eat something what you like most. Eating a meal before drinking will eventually reduces the interest of drinking. Avoid hungry feeling. Keep your stomach full filled always. Because if you fulfill your stomach there is no possibility for you to take alcohol.

You can even drink lot of water if you feel the urge to drink.

Change your schedule

If you used to drink regularly at a particular time or particular place means, try to utilize that time in a different activity. For example, imagine you are drinking daily at 7’o clock at night after returning from work home. Instead go to Church, park , read books, have good conversation with friends .You yourself try to deviate from that mood. This will help you to decrease the chance of drinking

Similarly if you are tensed to drink if you cross over a particular place like where wine shop is located, avoid going over there. Instead you can change your direction and take diversion and take some other alternative way to reach your place.

By doing like this, you can reduce the chances for drinking significantly

Avoid ‘Glass mates’

If you started to follow alcohol quit process, first I insist you to not to stay in touch with your drinking friends. Stay away from them. Most of them will even comment and will force you to take alcohol. Keep in mind and no cost you should not get back from your step and be confident

 

Here to raise confident level, am providing you the idea of practicing meditation. Meditation is the best way to keep yourself calm and to have positive energy. It will help you to develop good thought and good feelings in you. You should hear about the Saints and Sithars in India who got so many powers through Meditation which even you will not imagine. That much power Meditation will give to you

Support Team

Nowadays so many institutions and welfare organization are available to give their support hand for the needy who are willing to avoid the monster named alcohol.

Seek the help of Alcohol Anonymous (AA) an organization for the prosperity of liquor addicts which spread all over the world. They will help your speedy recovery from this habit

Many Alcohol de-addiction centers are there now ready to do service for drink addicts to restrain.

You should remind yourself that if you were willing to try quitting so many times in the past, you have the ability to try again. Please remember this. There is no age limit nor is it ever too late to try to quit drinking. Even if the last thing that you do is quit, the victory of quitting pays for itself and gives hope to other people. Above anything,First your health will be in sound condition. Your name in the society turns good and the social respect you re going to earn is marvelous

Think of something that Inspires you and motivates you.

Believe you can do it

Everything is possible for you and every power is within you

God is always with you so nothing can stop you

I hope you are now very much confident to quit alcohol.My final advice is once you stop the thoughts about drinking you will stop the drinking habit,so develop positive thoughts in your mind and you will succeed quitting the habit and in your life.

Read more mindset changes required to change your drinking habits below

How to Change your drinking habit – Part Two