Sleight of the Mouth examples-Conversation Tactics

In our daily lives…everyone of us  would  be put in situations where  a bossy Coworker or a nosy person is trying to dominate us in a conversation. In such situations we  may go blank …wondering whether to respond to them  or to move on  without confronting their statements.

The Problem with just ignoring these kind of people without confronting them by giving them a fitting reply is….They will come back at you stronger and stronger and start dominating you more and more. The only way to stop them is by giving them a fitting reply, that will make them wonder what hit them. When you have that kind of skill you will be confident in all social situations, knowing very well that you can handle any verbal challenge.

What is Sleight of Mouth?

Sleight of Mouth is a persuasion skill, a vehicle for the re-framing of beliefs. It is a system of 14 different patterns of response to a stated belief or statement. A system that, once mastered, can allow you to always have a response that will effectively elucidate your position and help you to persuade rather than be persuaded. Simply put, it will help you win any argument, be verbally powerful and powerfully verbal.

We all enjoy the nice come back punch dialogue that the hero delivers to the insulting villain’s remark.What if we can deliver that kind of Come back lines in our real life? The Sleight of Mouth Patterns will let you do that exactly!

What Will Sleight of Mouth Do For you?

Part of the power of Sleight of Mouth is that it gives you more choices and flexibility of possible responses. You will never be at a loss for something to say. And with 14 different possible responses, odds are good that what you say will stop your adversary right in his tracks.

How to use the ‘Sleight of Mouth’ Patterns:

The real challenge or Fun of learning the slight of Mouth patterns is to come up with your own examples that you can apply in your own life situations.In real life there are millions of things a person can say to you and we cannot cover the response for each and every insulting remark.But what we can do is give a example situation and statement and the fourteen types of comeback Responses you can give for that statement. You are expected to use the example as a model and come up with your Responses to use in your real life.

So Following is the situation:

You have arrived a little late to office and your boss didn’t seem to mind it. But the nosy coworker who has got no business to monitor you says something insulting like…

“You’re being late and it shows you don’t care about the job.”

There are 14 different responses you can come up with in this scenario:

  1. Reality strategy:

The Reality strategy Challenges the belief, based on the fact that beliefs arise from certain assumptions. Probe how they know that their belief is true and how they came to the conclusion.

The following are some of the responses you can come up using the Reality strategy pattern:

How do you know lateness and caring are the same thing?

I’m not sure how it is you have drawn that conclusion. Maybe the boss told that to you when you came late yesterday… How would you know if it wasn’t true?

What we are doing here is…instead of going blank or getting angry we asked them back a question…..and now they are the one going deep inside to find the answer to what we asked.

  1. Model of the world:

Model of the World,argues that the other person is making a assertion as a metaphor for something else.

Some people believe caring is shown by quality of the job done and the results obtained.

  1. Counter example:

Counter example uses exceptions where their statement would not be True- which weakens  the belief of the original statement.

We all know people who are always on time and yet are goof-offs once they get here.

  1. Intent:

This pattern highlights the original intent.

My intention is not to be late or uncaring but to give the company the best quality time and highest productivity while I’m here.

  1. Redefine:

Redefine the problem.

I wasn’t late, I was delayed in traffic.

The issue is not my being late but how much work I can accomplish today before the end of the day.

  1. Chunking up:

Chunking up is generalizing the whole thing to challenge the belief of the other person.

Are you saying the most important aspect of my job is showing up on time?

  1. Chunking down:

Chunking down breaks down the statement of the other person to smaller elements, then pick up any particular element and start attacking it.

How specifically are lateness and not caring the same thing?

  1. Metaphor or analogy:

Instead of replying to the question use a metaphor or analogy to challenge the belief and make a comeback statement.

If a surgeon is late for dinner because he is saving a life, does that mean he doesn’t care about his wife’s cooking?

  1. Another outcome:

Another outcome offers a alternate which challenges the statement of the other person. Switch the other’s attention from their original outcome to another.

The real question isn’t whether I’m late or I’m caring. The real question is how much I’m producing for the company.

  1. Consequence:

Consequence challenges the statement of the other person by highlighting a consequence of what would happen if the other person’s belief is followed.

If I wasn’t late I wouldn’t have been able to close the sale while I was at a breakfast meeting.

  1. Hierarchy of Criteria:

Challenge the belief based on more important criteria ,suggesting something more important is there to consider

Isn’t it more important to focus on how much the person gives while on the job rather than punctuality?

  1. Apply to self:

Apply to self,turns their belief/statement back on them-either by implying that the consequences they suggest to be  applicable to you is actually also applicable to them.

If you are concerned about the company you would not have told me this late.

I will like to give another example for this pattern. In a heated argument you say somethings and the other person says…

Other Person: Saying mean things means you are a bad person.

You:   It is too bad you said that.It’s a mean thing to say to a collegue.

  1. Changing frame size:

This pattern extends the implication of the belief to a larger(or smaller)scale,or to a longer(or shorter) time frame.

Over time, you’ll see I brought in more business in a timely fashion for the company than all of the people who showed up to work on time.

  1. Meta frame:

Meta frame challenges the basis behind the belief/statement instead of challenging the statement.

Lots of progressive companies are working with flex time for their high producers. I thought you were a forward thinking person.

Now imagine the power of having ALL these patterns at your fingertips for every single objection you are likely to encounter in every single situation.

You may understand some of the sleight of mouth patterns…find some helpful and usable….don’t have a clue about some of the other patterns…But,That’s okay. You don’t need all of them. If you can pick up just one or Two sleight of the mouth patterns and apply it in your real life, that’s all you need. Because,Some of the smart mouths in the real world just use one or two of the patterns.

Good Luck Practicing the Sleight of mouth patterns in the real world out there.

Conversational hypnosis language patterns -Practical Examples for use in real Life

What Is Hypnosis?

To know about hypnosis you have to first learn what a ‘Trance’ is.

People drop into trance many times everyday, Whenever they are pulled into a riveting novel, when they become enthralled while watching a movie, etc. You have likely had an experience when you are driving home from work in your car, and as you enter your home and sink in to your favorite couch, you realize that you don’t recall driving the last five miles.
Your unconscious handled the driving while you were thinking about something else. All these are examples of different forms of trance.

Hypnosis is artificially inducing a trance state in the listener so that they will listen and follow your suggestions more readily.(Since you are bypassing their Consious mind which may be resisting your suggestions)
Process to do hypnosis/Steps in hypnosis

– Attention:Absorb your subject’s attention; focus their attention. You need to pull it and draw it in to the hypnotic.

– Bypass the Critical Factor (and Bypass the regular conscious mindsets)
Bypass the little voice inside their head that says’Oh that won’t work”
Bypass habitual patterns to allow new patterns to be installed

– Stimulate the Unconscious Mind
Recruit their unconscious mind to perform actual change work.
Change work can be anything you wanted the other person to experience.You can make them feel great by saying good things or feel depressed by saying not so good things.

So what is conversation hypnosis and How this conversation hypnosis work?

My personal expectation from conversation hypnosis is….The ability to change the Mental State of the listener through the course of a conversation.I may be wrong.It may be just a subset of what i can really do with conversation hypnosis…it may be just the tip of the iceberg…or just the cherry on Top of the cake….But all i want from learning Conversation Hypnosis is the ability to
change the Mental State of the listener by just talking to them.

Lets face the following cases:-

a.You are going in to the Boss cabin for asking a raise or for a salary appraisal but he is in a bad mood.May be he had a fight with his wife before comming to office that day.

What if you can talk with him normally and can get him in to a lighter mood first?
Say something that will raise the Probability of getting a higher salary multiple times right?

Here is another Real life scenario…

b.Your wife is shopping.She is so excited and is about to buy things that are a luxury for your current economic state of your family.

What if you can bring her excitement down to a couple of notches towards reality,by talking with her,so that she realises that the stuff she was about to buy was not a necessity.And it was all her idea.

How much money did you just save with your conversation skills?

Conversation hypnosis in Movies:

My favorite example of conversation hypnosis in a movie is Below.It is from a Brad Pitt Movie called ‘Money Ball’.Brad Pit is a Baseball Team GM .He is disappointed with the little amount of money allocated by Scott the owner of the Team for him to spend on his Team to make it win.He enters Scott’s office and complains that bigger Teams spend 80 Millions for their Teams success and how he is expected to compete and make his team win with a few millions.

The following is the modified script of what the Boss-The owner of the team says to Brad Pitt.

SCOTT Says….
We’re a small market team. You’re a small market GM. And I’m asking you to be okay with not spending money I don’t have. And
I’m asking you to take a breath and sit back and relax. And then I’m asking you to get back in a room with your people and
figure out how you’re going to do the task with the money I do have.

And as he says that you can see Brad Pitt taking a deep Breath and leans back and his mood lightens up.That’s an example of the Use of conversational hypnosis.

Golden Nugget #1:
When someone comes to you with a problem, it only means they have forgotten where the right resource is which will help them solve the problem. When you find the resources they need and attach them to the problem, the problem vanishes. Approximately 85% of the time, this process will make the problem easily dissolve and go away.

 

How to build courage and confidence in your real life

Courage is something that everyone needs in their life to make like easy. It was considered as one of the most important virtue a Man has to posses. Most of the people in the world may have education, wealth, beauty etc.. but people with great Courage and confidence are the only ones that get a place in History. Those who are brave and Bold and courageous alone have the power to bring the masses under their influence.

If you have a glance of the World History only the name of the courageous men withstand their fame, for their Brave actions, for a long time. Hercules, Napoleon, Alexander etc.. are just a few names of courageous men who changed the flow of history.

courageous-people_with_confidence
courageous-people_with_confidence

What is Courage?

Courage is nothing but a state of mind devoid of fear and it can be achieved with the help of Positive thought. An Indian Saint Swami Vivekananda once told “You are what you think”, our inner conscious decides how to frame our life. Our thoughts have that much power to design the life of a person. If you think Good, Good things will happen in your life. If you think Bad, the same will reflect. So we should be very careful in developing our thought since our thought becomes our speech, our speech becomes our action, our action becomes character. So if we have brave thoughts, you will become courageous and confident.

For example, if you have the self image that you are strong and energetic, you will definitely be considered strong and courageous by the outer world. By contrary, if you think you are weak in a negative way, the result will be as our thinking.

Courage is nothing but overcoming fear with positive mind set.

Fear

Fear is the basic human emotion or behavior which we tend to get from Mind through our Nervous system. It a natural phenomenon and it is possible for us to avoid easily if we follow some certain set of rules/practices

Types of Fear

There are so many types of fear in this world and following is the some of them which we commonly used to see around us

if we are going to do new a new thing which was not done earlier, automatically we get afraid about that. This is the fear of new things.

We would have seen in our work place, normally most of the person get tensed or afraid to speak with their Boss or Superior

This is one type of fear i.e Fear of Superiors

In some peculiar cases, some Men hesitate to speak with Girls or women without any concrete reason.(Some Women also react the same towards men )

This is the fear of Opposite Sex

Like this, there are many fears(Phobia) in this world to overcome

Identifying Fears:

First of all, we should identify and label our inner fears.It is the first and most important step to nail your fear and become courageous.

List out the Fear:

To identify this, we have to carefully watch our own thought from the beginning of the day and should take a note for what are all the things suddenly we are afraid of.

List it down and find yourself by raising a question that whether a valid reason is available to get nervous or being afraid of.

Expose yourself to your worst fears:

The best way to overcome fear is to experience the fear by doing that thing what we were afraid of. This itself will make us stronger and bold.

Acting on the thing without delay:

If you are afraid of Boss means, Go and speak with Boss without any further delay/hesitation. The moment you complete the conversation with your Boss, you will definitely get a courage of overcoming the thing what you have earlier considered as Fear

Continuous and uninterrupted thinking

If you want to achieve a great thing then our whole mind and soul have to think about that again and again imagining that our target has been achieved successfully.

Thinking again and again about a thing in a smooth way will surely give us positive result. This is one of the ways to be courageous

Visualize

If you are participating in a Karate competition and you feel that there are many participants are more powerful than you then Imagine that you are beating and kicking your opponent hardly irrespective of how strong he/she may be (or) imagine getting Championship cup from Referee after winning the final tournament.Visualizing something like this will not do you any harm it will make you feel better and give you a better chance to succeed.This type of positive Visualization in your mind will bring you more energy and power and you will see miracles happen in your life.

Developing Confidence:

Confidence and courage is like two side of a coin. If one side is not present, obviously the coin becomes invalid .So don’t let your confidence down at any moment

The More you are Confident, the More you will succeed

If you are truly not confident means, at least try to pretend that you are confident

Meditation

Meditation is the process of controlling mind in the right path. Controlling mind requires practice and it should be done in a calm place. At the starting stage of Meditation there should not be any distraction in this process so you should choose a place which fulfills the requirement. After practicing for some time you would be able to meditate wherever you are. Closing your eyes and breathing deeply as well as slowly is the main strategy for a good meditation. While meditating we should bring in the thought for what you are afraid of and to enhance or chat yourself that you have overcome that fear and it is nothing to be afraid of anymore. Sometimes during meditation definitely negative thoughts may arise and try to conquer your mind. But we should carefully watch our thought and should concentrate on the good and positive things only.

Eyes looking down to the right.What this body Language mean?

Let’s say you are talking to your date and you are describing your first kiss experience and you notice that your partner’s eyes are looking down to their right hand side.Freeze…What does this body language Mean?

Eyes looking down to right
Eyes looking down to right

If a person is Looking down to the right their body language indicates that they are attending to their internal emotions.They are just feeling the emotions that they once experienced or the feelings they are experiencing at the moment.
So in our scenario your date maybe focusing on how her body is turned on by your narration of your intimate experience.Or She is focusing on her feelings,her own first kiss experience and how it made her feel.

If you ask someone to “Do you remember the aroma and taste of the food we had at that restaurant last time? “, and if their eyes  look down to the right then they have probably  recalled the aroma and the taste and are experiencing those feelings again.


When we talk to a person what is the most notable thing you see?Their Eyes,Right?
What if you can guess what a person is going through in their mind by just looking at their eyes.There are plenty of advantages if you are going to develop this skill and you will become better and better at reading a person and adjusting your response accordingly.
Don’t worry that you are going to come up as a weirdo for looking in to their eyes,you are just going to appear as a confident and curious Person.

Are you Self conscious -Overcoming Self Consciousness is the first step to become Confident

Let’s start from analysing what self consciousness is and end with practical real life techniques that will help you to overcome Self Consciousness and gain self confidence.In between we are going to cover a lot of examples of self consciousness in different social situations and self evaluate the degree of your self consciousness also but i promise you that this is not going to be a boring ride.

What is Self Consciousness?

Following is the simple definition of Self Consciousness that i can relate to…

Self-consciousness is an acute sense of self-awareness. It is a preoccupation with oneself, as opposed to the philosophical state of self-awareness, which is the awareness that one exists as an individual being. An unpleasant feeling of self-consciousness may occur when one realizes that one is being watched or observed, the feeling that “everyone is looking” at oneself. Some people are habitually more self-conscious than others. Unpleasant feelings of self-consciousness are sometimes associated with shyness or paranoia. –Wikipedia

If the definition doesn’t make much sense let me explain with my favourite metaphor which i personally came up with in my quest of overcoming my own self consciousness .

In real world we have to use our senses-eyes,ears etc.. to listen and see the people around us to respond and react to others perfectly.Let’s crudely call it consciousness.

Imagine all people are fitted with a helmet with a  Smartphone attached hanging in front that is big enough to hide your whole face blocking their vision.Now the only way to see the outer world is to use the smartphone’s front camera and watch the phone’s screen to  interact with the people around you.We can still go around and interact with the People,Right?

Let say for some People their smartphone are in the Front camera mode automatically and they can see only themselves.They start seeing their own faces and facial expressions every time they interact socially with other people.Every time this happens they start to fumble around with their interactions with other people.They see their own frightened faces and get more nervous and this vicious cycle continues till they become worse and stop avoiding interacting with the outer world.Let’s Crudely call this as self consciousness.

Now all that is needed to be done,to make them normal,is to change their camera to back camera mode.Once you understand the Problem the solution is so simple. Right?

So why don’t you just change your mode and start focusing outwards on people during social interactions instead of focusing inwards on yourself.

Now don’t get me wrong.I know self consciousness is not a disease and you won’t believe if i say i might get hate mails from self conscious crusaders who send hate mails.They just don’t want to change and like melancholy and self pity and nobody can understand them better than me because i was one of them.As they say in nlp, everything has a good intention.But Everything has a time and Place and social situations are not the best time to go inside your mind and do a self analysis.

Let us now see why self consciousness is a problem which you should be trying to come out of by some case studies.Rita is a shy Girl in the class and she is self conscious.Guys and Girls in her class like to make fun of her and like to watch her go nervous.When ever someone cracks a joke at her expense instead of giving a fitting reply she wonders what other people are thinking about her and feel shame.If she focuses her attention on delivering a comeback line or at least a assertive answer others will be thinking twice before teasing her again.

The Problem with being self conscious is it will eventually develop in to negative self talk.It’s when something inside you talks back to you…saying things like ‘you cannot do it’,or ‘you look fat’ or what ever you are self conscious about.The more you listen to your negative self talk the worse it will get and sooner rather than later you will have depression.At this stage the only way to come out of the mess is to catch yourself having the negative self talk and stop it.There are effective Techniques to stop negative self talk but that is a different subject altogether,for this scope of this article it suffices to know that self consciousness can lead to further personality complications if you don’t do something about it.